There comes a moment in every man’s life when all he wishes for is a Chain-saw or a Desert Eagle or a Sawed off shotgun to blow off a couple of heads. Today, I encountered such a moment.
I had to attend some stupid meeting about some stupid audit. Every one from my Program Manager to… well…err.. myself – me being at the lowest level of the hierarchy – was present there. Now most of the people present there were really senior. And I am sure they must have attended plenty of meetings in their careers. And this meeting was labeled to be **Critical** in the meeting invitation that I had received earlier.
Now, the program manager was saying something which I didn’t really pay much attention to. I was just sitting there, peacefully, staring out the window, dreaming about Pirates of Caribbean, imagining myself to be Captain Jack “Singh” Sparrow, walking on the beach with Kiera Knightly, drinking rum … you get the picture, when suddenly, someone’s mobile phone rang. As the concerned person was fumbling stupidly with his phone, I was sure he was going to get a lecture from the Program Manager. But no, the PM just kept on talking as if nothing had happened. I was a bit surprised to say the least. And then 5 mins later, another phone… and then another… and then another till finally the grand finale. The Project Manager’s phone rings. Aaghhh. The Agony! A gun. Please! Somebody stop them!!!
You see, I just don’t understand this kind of behavior. I refuse to believe that these people are unaware of the “Silent” feature on the mobile… hellooo??? What’s wrong with them? I am the kind of guy who keeps my phone silent any time it’s in my pocket. And this is not just because I have a really old phone with a very embarrassing “Mono” ring tone, it’s because I … well actually, it’s just that. But still, in a meeting?? A critical meeting! Come on, give me a break. Does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that it’s really disturbing to hear “Sawan mein lag gayi aag” or some other stupid shit when you are dreaming about Kiera Knightley… err, I mean, when you are discussing critical audit issues?
Where has all the common sense gone?
Monday, July 24, 2006
One fine Monday
It’s Monday. The time is 11:15, in the morning. I’ve been in office for an hour now and the net sum of what I have achieved so far comprises of drinking a cup of tea and checking my mail. I am feeling really sleepy because I was up late last night playing Counter Strike. I am looking at a day of really boring work ahead of me. I am feeling very cold because I got wet when coming to office and the AC here is really very powerful. And someone stole the stationary on my desk – again.
Good morning to you all!
It’s Monday. The time is 11:30, in the morning. I had a really chilled-out weekend. Saw lotsa good movies and played hours of Counter Strike. Woke up late in the morning. No hurry in coming to office. After all just some boring work to do all day. Plus I have a really cool manager who doesn’t really mind if I come in late. I got wet on the way to work today, but that was more by choice as I love getting wet in the rain. Although I won’t have anything super-exciting to do for the rest of the day, at least it gives me the time to write.
Good morning to you all!
Same morning. Two versions. Started writing the first version. Then felt that things weren’t as bad as I like to make them seem. Or rather, things don’t have to be as bad as I’d like them to be to give my self an excuse for cribbing.
“… I look at the world, and I notice it’s turning,
While my guitar gently weeps…”
Good morning to you all!
It’s Monday. The time is 11:30, in the morning. I had a really chilled-out weekend. Saw lotsa good movies and played hours of Counter Strike. Woke up late in the morning. No hurry in coming to office. After all just some boring work to do all day. Plus I have a really cool manager who doesn’t really mind if I come in late. I got wet on the way to work today, but that was more by choice as I love getting wet in the rain. Although I won’t have anything super-exciting to do for the rest of the day, at least it gives me the time to write.
Good morning to you all!
Same morning. Two versions. Started writing the first version. Then felt that things weren’t as bad as I like to make them seem. Or rather, things don’t have to be as bad as I’d like them to be to give my self an excuse for cribbing.
“… I look at the world, and I notice it’s turning,
While my guitar gently weeps…”
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Quality Objectives
This morning, when I came to office, I found the following memo on my desk.
Quality Policy
We are commited to meet customer's needs and expectations by delivering competitive IT and Business Process Outsourcing services and solutions.
Objectives
1. Deliver IT and BPO services and solutions that meet customer requirements.
2. Acquire and build long lasting relationships.
3. Improve our competitiveness by enhancing employee skills, process performance and technology utilization.
Let me pause a moment here to say - Hmmmmm…..
The management sure does know how to make their employees laugh out loud first thing in the morning.
I wonder how many MBAs it took to come up with this. I can imagine the meeting between the top brass and the newly recruited Over-enthusiastic MBA grad going something like this.
Top Brass #1: All right people. We need to show that we are doing some work. So I say, let's create a list of our quality objectives. We'll put the most obvious things in it and put it up on the wall where everyone can see it. Fills up the space on the walls in the lobby nicely. Those damn paintings are too frickin expensive.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I know what else we can do. We can take print outs of the objectives and put one on each employee's desk. Those stupid developers sure like sticking up things in their cubicles.
Top Brass #2: Hmmmm. That's a Great Idea. Let's do it. So what do we put in this objectives list?
Top Brass #1: Let's see. One objective could be - "Deliver IT and BPO services".
Top Brass #2: But what's so special about that? All IT companies do that.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I know. We deliver IT and BPO services….(a small pause here)... That Meet Customer Requirements !!
Top Brass #1: Woh dude! You are on Fire today!! That's brilliant. Sums up neatly what we do.
Top Brass #2: I just thought of another objective. I read this somewhere. "Build Long Lasting Relationships".
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I just proposed to my girlfriend yesterday.
Top Brass #1: (smiling with paternal affection) You truly belong in this company.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. And lets also put these quality objectives as everyone's desktop and screensaver.
Top Brass #2: But we already do that.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (crestfallen, yet with undying enthusiasm) Oh. Then let's go one step ahead. Let's put floor-to-ceiling carpets printed with these objectives, let's print t-shirts with these objectives and make it mandatory for employees to buy them, let's play a tape on the PA system endlessly repeating these objectives, let's….. Aaaagghhh!!! Objectives! Objectives! Objectives!
Top Brass #1: (smiling at Top Brass #2) Boy, this kid is GOOD.
Top Brass #2: (smiling at Top Brass #1) Yup. He sure is. Worth every rupee of the 10 Lakh we pay him annually. I am glad we were able to hire him. I wonder how he managed to stay un-placed till so late in the final semester.
Top Brass #1: He must have been too busy studying to bother about placements. His girlfriend sure is a lucky girl.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. And while we are at it, let's apply for CMMMMIIII level 100 too. It will sure look good on my resume.
Lucky indeed….
Quality Policy
We are commited to meet customer's needs and expectations by delivering competitive IT and Business Process Outsourcing services and solutions.
Objectives
1. Deliver IT and BPO services and solutions that meet customer requirements.
2. Acquire and build long lasting relationships.
3. Improve our competitiveness by enhancing employee skills, process performance and technology utilization.
Let me pause a moment here to say - Hmmmmm…..
The management sure does know how to make their employees laugh out loud first thing in the morning.
I wonder how many MBAs it took to come up with this. I can imagine the meeting between the top brass and the newly recruited Over-enthusiastic MBA grad going something like this.
Top Brass #1: All right people. We need to show that we are doing some work. So I say, let's create a list of our quality objectives. We'll put the most obvious things in it and put it up on the wall where everyone can see it. Fills up the space on the walls in the lobby nicely. Those damn paintings are too frickin expensive.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I know what else we can do. We can take print outs of the objectives and put one on each employee's desk. Those stupid developers sure like sticking up things in their cubicles.
Top Brass #2: Hmmmm. That's a Great Idea. Let's do it. So what do we put in this objectives list?
Top Brass #1: Let's see. One objective could be - "Deliver IT and BPO services".
Top Brass #2: But what's so special about that? All IT companies do that.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I know. We deliver IT and BPO services….(a small pause here)... That Meet Customer Requirements !!
Top Brass #1: Woh dude! You are on Fire today!! That's brilliant. Sums up neatly what we do.
Top Brass #2: I just thought of another objective. I read this somewhere. "Build Long Lasting Relationships".
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I just proposed to my girlfriend yesterday.
Top Brass #1: (smiling with paternal affection) You truly belong in this company.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. And lets also put these quality objectives as everyone's desktop and screensaver.
Top Brass #2: But we already do that.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (crestfallen, yet with undying enthusiasm) Oh. Then let's go one step ahead. Let's put floor-to-ceiling carpets printed with these objectives, let's print t-shirts with these objectives and make it mandatory for employees to buy them, let's play a tape on the PA system endlessly repeating these objectives, let's….. Aaaagghhh!!! Objectives! Objectives! Objectives!
Top Brass #1: (smiling at Top Brass #2) Boy, this kid is GOOD.
Top Brass #2: (smiling at Top Brass #1) Yup. He sure is. Worth every rupee of the 10 Lakh we pay him annually. I am glad we were able to hire him. I wonder how he managed to stay un-placed till so late in the final semester.
Top Brass #1: He must have been too busy studying to bother about placements. His girlfriend sure is a lucky girl.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. And while we are at it, let's apply for CMMMMIIII level 100 too. It will sure look good on my resume.
Lucky indeed….
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Why the name?
Ever since I have published my blog, a lot of people have questioned me about the URL of the blog – “bovina-sancta”. What does it mean and why did I choose it.
The answer to the first part is – “bovina-sancta” is Latin for “Holy Cow!”. Like the exclamation. Do you get the intended subtle **Humor** ? If you do, then your sense of humor is as bad as mine. And if you don’t, well, then you must be dumb or something.
The answer to the second part is – it’s a lame attempt on my part to be **witty**. I could have chosen a name like “Mythoughts” or something like that, but come on, that’s just plain boring. And people always prefer the ‘witty’, ‘humorous’, ‘attractive’ to the ‘plain’, ’simple’, ’boring’.
Imagine me having a conversation with a hot chick. It goes something like this-
Hot chick: So what are your hobbies?
Me: Well other than spending time in orphanages and slums, playing with terminally ill children, working with several NGOs, I also like writing. I even have a blog. You should check it out sometime. www.mythoughts.com.
Hot chick: Nice. I’ll check it out sometime.
Me: Okay.
End of conversation. Now the pressure will be on me to come up with another topic.
On the other hand, imagine this alternative-
Hot chick: So what are your hobbies?
Me: Well other than spending time in orphanages and slums, playing with terminally ill children, working with several NGOs, I also like writing. I even have a blog. You should check it out sometime. www.bovina-sancta.com.
Hot chick: Oh. What does that mean?
Me: It’s Latin for “Holy Cow”! Like the exclamation.
Hot chick: (impressed) So you know Latin?
Me: Yeah. A little. I picked it up from the internet.
Hot chick: (in a suggestive manner) You must teach me too.
Me: (giving the “I got your hint” look) Definitely.
And then I ask her for a dance. In Latin of course.
So then. I think I have proven my point here. I rest my case. In case you still haven’t understood, you must be dumb or something.
The answer to the first part is – “bovina-sancta” is Latin for “Holy Cow!”. Like the exclamation. Do you get the intended subtle **Humor** ? If you do, then your sense of humor is as bad as mine. And if you don’t, well, then you must be dumb or something.
The answer to the second part is – it’s a lame attempt on my part to be **witty**. I could have chosen a name like “Mythoughts” or something like that, but come on, that’s just plain boring. And people always prefer the ‘witty’, ‘humorous’, ‘attractive’ to the ‘plain’, ’simple’, ’boring’.
Imagine me having a conversation with a hot chick. It goes something like this-
Hot chick: So what are your hobbies?
Me: Well other than spending time in orphanages and slums, playing with terminally ill children, working with several NGOs, I also like writing. I even have a blog. You should check it out sometime. www.mythoughts.com.
Hot chick: Nice. I’ll check it out sometime.
Me: Okay.
End of conversation. Now the pressure will be on me to come up with another topic.
On the other hand, imagine this alternative-
Hot chick: So what are your hobbies?
Me: Well other than spending time in orphanages and slums, playing with terminally ill children, working with several NGOs, I also like writing. I even have a blog. You should check it out sometime. www.bovina-sancta.com.
Hot chick: Oh. What does that mean?
Me: It’s Latin for “Holy Cow”! Like the exclamation.
Hot chick: (impressed) So you know Latin?
Me: Yeah. A little. I picked it up from the internet.
Hot chick: (in a suggestive manner) You must teach me too.
Me: (giving the “I got your hint” look) Definitely.
And then I ask her for a dance. In Latin of course.
So then. I think I have proven my point here. I rest my case. In case you still haven’t understood, you must be dumb or something.
Friday, July 14, 2006
About first conversations
Question: How do you begin conversation with a colleague sitting in the cubicle next to you.
Parameters:
1. The colleague is not in the same project as you.
2. The colleague shares your extension number.
3. The colleague doesn't seem to be the talkative, friendly, <<"Hi i brought sweets from home, eat them">> kind.
4. The colleague looks to be the kind who'll be able to have an intelligent conversation, and not the <<"..then he did this, and then she said that, he he he he...">> kind of conversation.
5. The colleague looks to be roughly in the same age group (20-25) as me.
6. The colleague happens to be a girl.
There you go. The problem has been defined. Ordinarily, I would leave such a colleague alone, but parameter #6 somehow changes the whole equation. My "Inner Killer Male Survival Instinct" (mentioned in earlier posts as well, to be henceforth refered to as IKMSI) has kicked in, and no matter how much i try, it refuses to leave me alone. Therefore, something must be done.
Now, when it comes to girls, i am NOT very good at opening lines. Generally when being introduced to a girl (which is an event which takes place every time all the planets line up in a straight line. (It does happen, okay!!)), all i manage to come up with is a forced smile and a few words like.... well, "Hi". And this too when i am introduced by someone else. I generally hope that the person who is introducing me likes me enough to say some nice things about me. Now it's not that i am shy or something. And i think i can be really funny too. In fact, i fancy myself to be quite a decent conversationalist. But somehow, when it comes to talking to strange girls (wait, that didn't sound right), i am completely clueless.
So let's see. What are a few opening lines.
1. Me: The weather is really fine today.
The Girl: We are sitting in an air-conditioned room you dickhead.
2. Me: Hi. I would like to do friendship with you.
The Girl: F***k off!
3. Me: My monitor is bigger than yours !!
The Girl: (no response)
4. Me: Hi. Myself Champak (real name changed).
The Girl: (questioning look)So??
5. Me: So which project are you in?
The Girl: Might actually respond.
So as you can see, i really am NOT good in this. And honestly, i can't understand how the whole "I want to do friendship with you" routine works. I have seen so many of those in Orkut. I just don't get it. Hell, if a weird looking girl (I put myself in the same category - Weird Looking ) came up to me said "Hi. Myself Pushpa. I would like to do friendship with you", i would just say "Talk to the hand!!! Girl!!". Of course if the girl happened to be Hot, my response would be very different (something like "aka haka daka laka aka daka baka" ). But then, the rules for hot people are different. And who am i to mess with them.
Back to the original question of this post. Its really weird actually. I am not really attracted to this girl or anything. It's more of an irritation actually. My inability to talk to her, that's driving me nuts.
Things used to be a lot simpler in school. Sitting in the same classroom sort of brings together people in an easy kind of way. You join a new school, sit in a class of 50 students for 1 month by the end of which everyone hopefully knows your name. Then you slowly start hanging around a group of people and the next thing you know, you've had had a conversation with almost every girl in the class. And you won't even remember how it began. It was that simple.
Things in college were slightly more complicated but breaking the ice still wasn't that difficult. You just go to a girl and ask if she has written the latest journal assignment ( which she inevitably would have) and even though you have no intention of actually writing the journal, its still as good an excuse as they come.
But here at work, things are really different. The strangers are actually strangers. That coupled with my inability and lack of interest to befriend all my colleagues, makes this a very daunting task. For some reason i have this incredible urge to be witty when meeting or talking to someone new. Even though they don't matter much to me, i have a feeling that first impressions do matter to a lot of people. So i guess this additional pressure makes things that much more difficult.
I wish i could put up sign on my desk saying - "I suffer from a severe speech disorder which i got when i got hit on the head by a speeding truck as a child while trying to save a puppy crossing a street. This disorder makes my shy from talking to strangers. Please initiate all conversations your self".
hmmm... I am sure i'll get a lot of sympathy votes from women.
The colleague just walked in. It's amazing how little time you take to press Windows Key + D after an year of Software Engineering.
Parameters:
1. The colleague is not in the same project as you.
2. The colleague shares your extension number.
3. The colleague doesn't seem to be the talkative, friendly, <<"Hi i brought sweets from home, eat them">> kind.
4. The colleague looks to be the kind who'll be able to have an intelligent conversation, and not the <<"..then he did this, and then she said that, he he he he...">> kind of conversation.
5. The colleague looks to be roughly in the same age group (20-25) as me.
6. The colleague happens to be a girl.
There you go. The problem has been defined. Ordinarily, I would leave such a colleague alone, but parameter #6 somehow changes the whole equation. My "Inner Killer Male Survival Instinct" (mentioned in earlier posts as well, to be henceforth refered to as IKMSI) has kicked in, and no matter how much i try, it refuses to leave me alone. Therefore, something must be done.
Now, when it comes to girls, i am NOT very good at opening lines. Generally when being introduced to a girl (which is an event which takes place every time all the planets line up in a straight line. (It does happen, okay!!)), all i manage to come up with is a forced smile and a few words like.... well, "Hi". And this too when i am introduced by someone else. I generally hope that the person who is introducing me likes me enough to say some nice things about me. Now it's not that i am shy or something. And i think i can be really funny too. In fact, i fancy myself to be quite a decent conversationalist. But somehow, when it comes to talking to strange girls (wait, that didn't sound right), i am completely clueless.
So let's see. What are a few opening lines.
1. Me: The weather is really fine today.
The Girl: We are sitting in an air-conditioned room you dickhead.
2. Me: Hi. I would like to do friendship with you.
The Girl: F***k off!
3. Me: My monitor is bigger than yours !!
The Girl: (no response)
4. Me: Hi. Myself Champak (real name changed).
The Girl: (questioning look)So??
5. Me: So which project are you in?
The Girl: Might actually respond.
So as you can see, i really am NOT good in this. And honestly, i can't understand how the whole "I want to do friendship with you" routine works. I have seen so many of those in Orkut. I just don't get it. Hell, if a weird looking girl (I put myself in the same category - Weird Looking ) came up to me said "Hi. Myself Pushpa. I would like to do friendship with you", i would just say "Talk to the hand!!! Girl!!". Of course if the girl happened to be Hot, my response would be very different (something like "aka haka daka laka aka daka baka" ). But then, the rules for hot people are different. And who am i to mess with them.
Back to the original question of this post. Its really weird actually. I am not really attracted to this girl or anything. It's more of an irritation actually. My inability to talk to her, that's driving me nuts.
Things used to be a lot simpler in school. Sitting in the same classroom sort of brings together people in an easy kind of way. You join a new school, sit in a class of 50 students for 1 month by the end of which everyone hopefully knows your name. Then you slowly start hanging around a group of people and the next thing you know, you've had had a conversation with almost every girl in the class. And you won't even remember how it began. It was that simple.
Things in college were slightly more complicated but breaking the ice still wasn't that difficult. You just go to a girl and ask if she has written the latest journal assignment ( which she inevitably would have) and even though you have no intention of actually writing the journal, its still as good an excuse as they come.
But here at work, things are really different. The strangers are actually strangers. That coupled with my inability and lack of interest to befriend all my colleagues, makes this a very daunting task. For some reason i have this incredible urge to be witty when meeting or talking to someone new. Even though they don't matter much to me, i have a feeling that first impressions do matter to a lot of people. So i guess this additional pressure makes things that much more difficult.
I wish i could put up sign on my desk saying - "I suffer from a severe speech disorder which i got when i got hit on the head by a speeding truck as a child while trying to save a puppy crossing a street. This disorder makes my shy from talking to strangers. Please initiate all conversations your self".
hmmm... I am sure i'll get a lot of sympathy votes from women.
The colleague just walked in. It's amazing how little time you take to press Windows Key + D after an year of Software Engineering.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Time to think
Why am i here?
In the software industry? Did i ever reallly have a choice? I mean after doing computer engineering, it wouldn't have made much sense for me to start my medical practice. Right? And then the only reason i did engineering in the first place was cause i was scared shit of studying those 10-inch thick medical books.
So then what is my reason? Is it the money? Well it could have been, till a few years ago, but not anymore. Is it job satisfaction? I don't think so. At least not by doing the kind of work that's there is the industry these days. Is it job security? No. Is it the lifestyle? No. And no to a number of different reasons i could think of.
So then why AM i here? I have asked this question to myself a 1000 times during the last year and everytime i have drawn a blank. I even convinced myself for a while that a job is a job. It's just a mean of earning a livelihood. All that job-satisfaction nonsense is just that - non-sense. Somehow, working on boring projects under stupid deadlines, I forgot why i was here in the first place. I had become really jaded. 2 months sitting on the bench didn't help things either. I was confused whether i should quit all this and prepare for an MBA degree. After all, THAT certainly seems to be a panacea in everyone's opinion. "...get and MBA degree and earn big bucks. An MBA degree is the quickest way to the top...." . And i almost bought that.
But then, today, after 365 days of working in an industry i was not sure was right for me, I discovered my reason for being here.
And all it took for the realisation to strike was....
A small program. Hardly 30 lines of code. Just that. A program to calculate the largest prime number after a given number.
Let me explain.
I am learning Perl. Part of my new project. And as any programmer worth his while will tell you, the best way to learn a new language is by programming in it. So, as i started making small basic programs in Perl ( factorial, sorting, prime number, you know the kind..), something remarkable happened. For a while, I was transported back in time to my first year in college. To the time when i first started learning C. By making small programs just like these. And i felt what i had felt back then. The pure joy of coding. The thrill of running your program from the command line. The fun of tweaking around till you get it right. The joy of optimizing a 30 line code to a 20 line one which ends up running twice as slow. The first look of dissapointment when you find out that recursive programs, although cooler to look at, are not always better than their iterative counterparts. And now, after 4 years, as i make the same programs, in a language that is remarkably similar to C, i felt all that. The same childish excitement. And instantly i knew why was here.
I read the story about a millionaire from Texas who lost his fortune in gambling two times. But he made all the money back again. Simply because he loved doing what he did.
Now i am not implying that i will make millions by coding. I am just an average programmer. I have seen people far far better than me. The kind of people who create magic with the code they write and become millionaires. If I ever want to become rich and successful in life, I WILL have to evolve. Maybe that's why i will do an MBA. But that's not the point. The point is, that at least till that happens, i will be satisfied. I will have the satisfaction of knowing that i am not wasting my time. I am doing what i love doing. Even if i don't get the kind of work i want, i'll still manage to do allright, because underneath everything lies the fact that i love programming. I might not be exceptional at it, but i sure do love it. And if i manage to get the thrill of programming from time to time, even if the work i am doing is "Support and Maintenance", i'll be happy. And that's good enough for me.
please excuse me if you find this a little touchy-feely. What can i say, it's raining outside. :)
In the software industry? Did i ever reallly have a choice? I mean after doing computer engineering, it wouldn't have made much sense for me to start my medical practice. Right? And then the only reason i did engineering in the first place was cause i was scared shit of studying those 10-inch thick medical books.
So then what is my reason? Is it the money? Well it could have been, till a few years ago, but not anymore. Is it job satisfaction? I don't think so. At least not by doing the kind of work that's there is the industry these days. Is it job security? No. Is it the lifestyle? No. And no to a number of different reasons i could think of.
So then why AM i here? I have asked this question to myself a 1000 times during the last year and everytime i have drawn a blank. I even convinced myself for a while that a job is a job. It's just a mean of earning a livelihood. All that job-satisfaction nonsense is just that - non-sense. Somehow, working on boring projects under stupid deadlines, I forgot why i was here in the first place. I had become really jaded. 2 months sitting on the bench didn't help things either. I was confused whether i should quit all this and prepare for an MBA degree. After all, THAT certainly seems to be a panacea in everyone's opinion. "...get and MBA degree and earn big bucks. An MBA degree is the quickest way to the top...." . And i almost bought that.
But then, today, after 365 days of working in an industry i was not sure was right for me, I discovered my reason for being here.
And all it took for the realisation to strike was....
A small program. Hardly 30 lines of code. Just that. A program to calculate the largest prime number after a given number.
Let me explain.
I am learning Perl. Part of my new project. And as any programmer worth his while will tell you, the best way to learn a new language is by programming in it. So, as i started making small basic programs in Perl ( factorial, sorting, prime number, you know the kind..), something remarkable happened. For a while, I was transported back in time to my first year in college. To the time when i first started learning C. By making small programs just like these. And i felt what i had felt back then. The pure joy of coding. The thrill of running your program from the command line. The fun of tweaking around till you get it right. The joy of optimizing a 30 line code to a 20 line one which ends up running twice as slow. The first look of dissapointment when you find out that recursive programs, although cooler to look at, are not always better than their iterative counterparts. And now, after 4 years, as i make the same programs, in a language that is remarkably similar to C, i felt all that. The same childish excitement. And instantly i knew why was here.
I read the story about a millionaire from Texas who lost his fortune in gambling two times. But he made all the money back again. Simply because he loved doing what he did.
Now i am not implying that i will make millions by coding. I am just an average programmer. I have seen people far far better than me. The kind of people who create magic with the code they write and become millionaires. If I ever want to become rich and successful in life, I WILL have to evolve. Maybe that's why i will do an MBA. But that's not the point. The point is, that at least till that happens, i will be satisfied. I will have the satisfaction of knowing that i am not wasting my time. I am doing what i love doing. Even if i don't get the kind of work i want, i'll still manage to do allright, because underneath everything lies the fact that i love programming. I might not be exceptional at it, but i sure do love it. And if i manage to get the thrill of programming from time to time, even if the work i am doing is "Support and Maintenance", i'll be happy. And that's good enough for me.
please excuse me if you find this a little touchy-feely. What can i say, it's raining outside. :)
Death of a Software Engineer - Life on the bench
Day 0
2:30 PM
Got the dreaded mail from HR.
“Please send your updated resume. And could you come and meet me ASAP?” (Damn!)
I thought what’s the hurry? Let’s delay the meeting as much as possible. Heck, I’ll not go today at all. Just going enjoy my last few hours with my super-fast machine.
3:30 PM
Got another mail from HR. No point in delaying the inevitable. Must go now. Take the blow head-on.
3:45 PM
(HR’s office)
NOTE: These HR people are really ‘different’ from us developers. You should see their offices. The over-decorated, stuffed-with-soft toys, post-it’s every where kinda cubicles. What’s the deal with that? Are we developers allowed to do that??
Conversation with Resource Manager:
RM: Hey ! How are you?
ME: (I’ve changed 2 projects in less than a month, I don’t have a place to sit, and your cubicle is so much better than mine… I hate you!!) Great! I’m good.
RM: So, you’re in the pool now.
ME: (Really!! You don’t say. I thought this meeting was to discuss our company's plans to go for a hostile takeover bid on Microsoft). Yes.
RM: So where are you from?
ME: (Why? Is our company planning to open a 20000 capacity Development center in my hometown and make me the manager? ) Well actually I’m from an army background, so I’ve never really stayed at one place for too long.
RM: Oh really? Which core?
ME: (What the …?). Signals
RM: My father was in the army too. He was in the core of Engineers.
ME: (Aaah! This is getting interesting. Army background. Same religious background. Not bad looking. Hello!!! Quick, look at her finger. Is she married?? Would she be having a boyfriend??) Oh really!
RM: So you were in Investec before.
ME: (Coffee? Movie? Dinner? Quick. Think!!!) Yes.
RM: Okay. So where are you sitting right now?
ME: (What was the name of that stupid movie, the one with the Himesh Reshamiya song. Deewana kar gaye humko or something….) I am sitting at my workstation in the Fujitsu ODC.
RM: Okay. You can’t sit there anymore. I’ll allocate you a new cubicle.
ME: (Adlabs? Inox? E-Square?.... WHAT ?? (Explosion. Fire Alarm. Mirror breaking.) NEW CUBICLE ??? NOOOOO. Be cool man. Be cool. It’s just for a couple of days.) Okay.
RM: Go to Alps Building, First floor and take either of workstation number 59,60 or 61.
ME: (Gulp. Jeez. Thanks a lot. You’ve made my day. You can forget the movie now) Okay.
RM: Okay then. That’ll be all. Call me when you get there to tell me your extension number.
ME: (Hmmm. Asking me to call back. And asking for my number. Forget it girl. You’ve blown your chance now) Okay. Thanks.
Well that was that. But life goes on. Must keep going. All that philosophical crap was going through my head as I walked back to my office to clear up my cubicle.
Problem: I have almost 1 GB of data in my personal folder on my workstation. I just can’t leave it behind. What to do?
Solution: The iPod !!
Catch: All my songs have to go. Songs that I took over 3 months to select and put on my iPod. Damn you. Is there any justice in this world? Damn you twice. And she had the nerve to ask me to call her back. Dream on baby. Dream on.
40 Minutes later
Machine 59, machine 59, where art thou? Machine 59. Ah! There it is. In the corner. Not a bad place. Wait a second. What do we have here? A girl. Sitting on machine 59. Heh heh. This might turn out to be a good experience after all. I’ll take number 60 and we’ll be happy ever after.
From this point of time, every thing is happening in a weird matrix style, bullet-time, slow motion kind of speed. I am walking towards machine 60. From the corner of my eye, I can see another guy (much older than me, and a lot less handsome, thank you very much) walking towards the general direction of machines 59,60 and 61. My male killer survival instinct kicks in (yes, we do have it. It’s called Libido). My feet start moving faster. Of course this distance of just a couple of feet is taking a lot of time to cover (slow motion, remember). My brain is already analyzing the relative speeds of ‘another guy’ and me and I am pretty sure I am going to beat him to machine 60. Heh Heh. Sucker.
I’d like to take a moment now to tell you about this bag I have. This small black executive bag that you hang on your side, you know, to go with the corporate look. I generally carry my Airtel bills for the last 7 months in it. Plus some stationary that I keep taking from the stationary store every now and then. You know, pencils, markers, pens, erasers, post-its etcetera, etcetera. Things that are absolutely essential for any software engineer to work efficiently. So this bag is very handy indeed.
Now I have been carrying this bag for almost 8 months. Never before has it given my any trouble. Trouble like getting caught in a sharp corner of a desk for instance. But at that very instant - just when I was but few steps away from machine 60, my Utopia, just when I could just start imagining the look on ‘another guy’s’ face when I’d take up machine 60, just when I’d started thinking about Movies and dinners and coffee again - my bag decided to get caught in a sharp corner of a desk. Stupid… stupid bag.
Of course you can imagine the rest of the story very well from this point of time. I lost my balance. My shoulder made a weird clicking noise (which hurt a lot, but what’s pain compared to the loss of machine 60). People nearby turned to look at me. I apologized profusely. And meanwhile, lost machine 60. Forever.
I picked up my bag. Walked over to machine 61. ‘Another guy’ and the girl had already stuck up a conversation. Lucky SOB. I booted machine 61, tried to log in, and got a big stupid windows error message. Tried to determine the cause of the problem (engineering instincts. Yes, we have that too) and lo’ behold. What do I find out? The network cable is missing. You’ve got to be kidding me. This day just keeps getting better and better.
This left me no option but to call the Resource Manager. Overpowering all my male ego (yes, we definitely have that), I called her up. No response. At this point of time, all I was wishing for was a desert eagle so that I could blow my brains out. But since that wasn’t about to happen, I thought I’d go and get a cup of coffee. Of course, since my access card for this floor is not working, I had to take the back door and walk about thrice the distance I normally would have walked to get the vending machine, which incidentally was out of coffee. But of course. What else did I expect? Drank a glass of lukewarm water and came back.
Tried calling the Resource manager again and this time got through. Was instructed to call up the admin guys. Ah. The dreaded admin guys. I could feel the knot tightening in my stomach. Called them up. No response. Called again after a while. The person responsible for replacing missing network cables was in a meeting. They actually have a person for that!! Jeez. Anyways, it was about 5:15 by this time and my patience was running out. So decided to call it a day.
2:30 PM
Got the dreaded mail from HR.
“Please send your updated resume. And could you come and meet me ASAP?” (Damn!)
I thought what’s the hurry? Let’s delay the meeting as much as possible. Heck, I’ll not go today at all. Just going enjoy my last few hours with my super-fast machine.
3:30 PM
Got another mail from HR. No point in delaying the inevitable. Must go now. Take the blow head-on.
3:45 PM
(HR’s office)
NOTE: These HR people are really ‘different’ from us developers. You should see their offices. The over-decorated, stuffed-with-soft toys, post-it’s every where kinda cubicles. What’s the deal with that? Are we developers allowed to do that??
Conversation with Resource Manager:
RM: Hey ! How are you?
ME: (I’ve changed 2 projects in less than a month, I don’t have a place to sit, and your cubicle is so much better than mine… I hate you!!) Great! I’m good.
RM: So, you’re in the pool now.
ME: (Really!! You don’t say. I thought this meeting was to discuss our company's plans to go for a hostile takeover bid on Microsoft). Yes.
RM: So where are you from?
ME: (Why? Is our company planning to open a 20000 capacity Development center in my hometown and make me the manager? ) Well actually I’m from an army background, so I’ve never really stayed at one place for too long.
RM: Oh really? Which core?
ME: (What the …?). Signals
RM: My father was in the army too. He was in the core of Engineers.
ME: (Aaah! This is getting interesting. Army background. Same religious background. Not bad looking. Hello!!! Quick, look at her finger. Is she married?? Would she be having a boyfriend??) Oh really!
RM: So you were in Investec before.
ME: (Coffee? Movie? Dinner? Quick. Think!!!) Yes.
RM: Okay. So where are you sitting right now?
ME: (What was the name of that stupid movie, the one with the Himesh Reshamiya song. Deewana kar gaye humko or something….) I am sitting at my workstation in the Fujitsu ODC.
RM: Okay. You can’t sit there anymore. I’ll allocate you a new cubicle.
ME: (Adlabs? Inox? E-Square?.... WHAT ?? (Explosion. Fire Alarm. Mirror breaking.) NEW CUBICLE ??? NOOOOO. Be cool man. Be cool. It’s just for a couple of days.) Okay.
RM: Go to Alps Building, First floor and take either of workstation number 59,60 or 61.
ME: (Gulp. Jeez. Thanks a lot. You’ve made my day. You can forget the movie now) Okay.
RM: Okay then. That’ll be all. Call me when you get there to tell me your extension number.
ME: (Hmmm. Asking me to call back. And asking for my number. Forget it girl. You’ve blown your chance now) Okay. Thanks.
Well that was that. But life goes on. Must keep going. All that philosophical crap was going through my head as I walked back to my office to clear up my cubicle.
Problem: I have almost 1 GB of data in my personal folder on my workstation. I just can’t leave it behind. What to do?
Solution: The iPod !!
Catch: All my songs have to go. Songs that I took over 3 months to select and put on my iPod. Damn you. Is there any justice in this world? Damn you twice. And she had the nerve to ask me to call her back. Dream on baby. Dream on.
40 Minutes later
Machine 59, machine 59, where art thou? Machine 59. Ah! There it is. In the corner. Not a bad place. Wait a second. What do we have here? A girl. Sitting on machine 59. Heh heh. This might turn out to be a good experience after all. I’ll take number 60 and we’ll be happy ever after.
From this point of time, every thing is happening in a weird matrix style, bullet-time, slow motion kind of speed. I am walking towards machine 60. From the corner of my eye, I can see another guy (much older than me, and a lot less handsome, thank you very much) walking towards the general direction of machines 59,60 and 61. My male killer survival instinct kicks in (yes, we do have it. It’s called Libido). My feet start moving faster. Of course this distance of just a couple of feet is taking a lot of time to cover (slow motion, remember). My brain is already analyzing the relative speeds of ‘another guy’ and me and I am pretty sure I am going to beat him to machine 60. Heh Heh. Sucker.
I’d like to take a moment now to tell you about this bag I have. This small black executive bag that you hang on your side, you know, to go with the corporate look. I generally carry my Airtel bills for the last 7 months in it. Plus some stationary that I keep taking from the stationary store every now and then. You know, pencils, markers, pens, erasers, post-its etcetera, etcetera. Things that are absolutely essential for any software engineer to work efficiently. So this bag is very handy indeed.
Now I have been carrying this bag for almost 8 months. Never before has it given my any trouble. Trouble like getting caught in a sharp corner of a desk for instance. But at that very instant - just when I was but few steps away from machine 60, my Utopia, just when I could just start imagining the look on ‘another guy’s’ face when I’d take up machine 60, just when I’d started thinking about Movies and dinners and coffee again - my bag decided to get caught in a sharp corner of a desk. Stupid… stupid bag.
Of course you can imagine the rest of the story very well from this point of time. I lost my balance. My shoulder made a weird clicking noise (which hurt a lot, but what’s pain compared to the loss of machine 60). People nearby turned to look at me. I apologized profusely. And meanwhile, lost machine 60. Forever.
I picked up my bag. Walked over to machine 61. ‘Another guy’ and the girl had already stuck up a conversation. Lucky SOB. I booted machine 61, tried to log in, and got a big stupid windows error message. Tried to determine the cause of the problem (engineering instincts. Yes, we have that too) and lo’ behold. What do I find out? The network cable is missing. You’ve got to be kidding me. This day just keeps getting better and better.
This left me no option but to call the Resource Manager. Overpowering all my male ego (yes, we definitely have that), I called her up. No response. At this point of time, all I was wishing for was a desert eagle so that I could blow my brains out. But since that wasn’t about to happen, I thought I’d go and get a cup of coffee. Of course, since my access card for this floor is not working, I had to take the back door and walk about thrice the distance I normally would have walked to get the vending machine, which incidentally was out of coffee. But of course. What else did I expect? Drank a glass of lukewarm water and came back.
Tried calling the Resource manager again and this time got through. Was instructed to call up the admin guys. Ah. The dreaded admin guys. I could feel the knot tightening in my stomach. Called them up. No response. Called again after a while. The person responsible for replacing missing network cables was in a meeting. They actually have a person for that!! Jeez. Anyways, it was about 5:15 by this time and my patience was running out. So decided to call it a day.
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