Although I make a conscious effort to look at the events happening around me as objectively as I can, sometimes, I just can’t help being judgmental.
Take for instance the way lady riders fill petrol in their scootys/kinetics etc.
I went to the petrol pump in the morning. There was a huge rush there which generally is the case at that hour of the day. Of course, I don’t mind standing in such queues at all thanks to me iPod. So I patiently waited for my turn. When it finally came, I told the guy how much fuel I wanted, took out the money from my wallet as he was filling the petrol, handed him the money when he finished while simultaneously closing the fuel cap on me bike, took the change and held it in between my lips. With my wallet still in one hand, I dragged the bike forward with the other hand so that others waiting behind me could come forward and start filling.
Total turn around time – approx 30 secs !!
Now before all this happened, I saw this lady waiting in the queue. She was on one of those scooty things where you have to lift the seat up to access the fuel tank. Now, all the time she was waiting in the queue, she was sitting on her scooty. When her turn came, she calmly put the scooty on the main stand. Next she proceeded to remove her “White” gloves (??) and her Taliban head gear. Next she opened the seat and the fuel filling process started. After the requested amount of fuel had been filled-in, she closed the seat and dived into this huge bag that she was carrying on her scooty floor. I suppose she was looking for her purse because that’s what her hand came out with. She took the money out of the purse, waited for the change, put the change back in the purse and put the purse back in the bag. Then she put on her Taliban head-gear and her white gloves, put the scooty on it’s feet, pressed the electric start button and zoomed off.
Total turn-around time – approx 3 mins !!
I am completely against things like reservation and stuff. Even the whole cry about “women’s liberation’ seems kinda old and meaningless to me in the present times. But for once, I wish that they’d start having a separate queue for lady riders at the petrol pumps. And they should employ a lady to fill the petrol in the queue. That way, you create jobs for ladies, the lady rider can chat with the lady filler discussing the last episode of Nach Balliye and SIX guys can get petrol filled in the normal queue in the meantime. A win-win situation I say.
Now here’s the funny thing. Every thing I wrote above is highly exaggerated. So much so that it’s almost all false (the part concerning the lady rider). But - think about this honestly - how many of you actually believed what I wrote and didn’t think that I was just making this all up??
See ??
I think I’ve still managed to make a point.
PS: My sincere apologies if I’ve offended any ladies. Your comments are welcome.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Hello Champa
Check out the conversation I had about 15 mins ago with this phone banking agent. This has been reproduced word for word.
Voice: Is this mister Singh?
Mister Singh: Yes.
Voice: Hello mister Singh. This is Champa (name changed – coz I forgot her real name) calling on behalf of HSBC bank.
Mister Singh: Hello Champa.
Voice: Would this be a convenient time to talk to you mister Singh?
Mister Singh: Yes Champa. This would infact be an excellent time to talk to me.
Voice: Mr. Singh, since you are a valuable customer of HSBC bank, we have some special offers for you.
Mister Singh: Oh really! How nice. Pray tell me about them.
Voice: Before I talk to you about the offers, I would like to confirm if you have credit cards from any other bank apart from HSBC.
Mister Singh: No. I don’t. I am very satisfied with the service provided by your bank.
Voice: The first offer is regarding balance transfer to other credit cards. We are offering this feature on very low interest rates.
Mister Singh: Hello?? Hello?? I can’t hear you Champa. Hold on…
Voice: Hello?? Mister Singh? Can you hear me?
Mister Singh: Hello?? Hello?? Oh the signal is really weak here. Let me move to a different place. Hello?? Can you hear me Champa? Don’t hang up.
Voice: Hello?? Mister Singh?
Mister Singh: Hello?? Yes I can hear you now. Go ahead.
Voice: As I was saying, we have 2 offers for you. The first offer is regarding balance transfer to other credit cards. We are offering this feature on very low interest rates.
Mister Singh: Oh. How nice. But I just said that I don’t have any other credit cards.
Voice: Oh! Right. Okay mister Singh. Our other offer is regarding HSBC credit cards. We are offering you up to 3 more cards absolutely for free.
Mister Singh: You mean I don’t have to pay after I use them?
Voice: No no no no!!! You don’t have to pay any yearly rental or initial charges.
Mister Singh: Oh! But Champa, what will I do with 3 more credit cards?
Voice: Well mister Singh, you could give them to your family members.
Mister Singh: But Champa, I am a bachelor.
Voice: But you could give them to your parents or brothers and sisters.
Mister Singh: But they already have Credit cards, Champa.
Voice: I see. Anyways, thank you for your time mister Singh.
Mister Singh: No problem Champa. Hope to hear from you again about more offers.
Voice: (click)
Mister Singh: (laughing.....)
I can’t help wondering why I hadn’t written about this topic till now. These calls irritate me like few other things do. And I am sure many of you share my feelings. I have tried everything from politely saying “No thank you” to rudely hanging up the phone – but nothing seems to be helping. So finally I have discovered this new way of handling such calls which serves three purposes. Let me explain.
As you can see from the conversation pasted above, this call must have taken at least a min- min&half , as opposed to 10-15 secs had I said no in the beginning. Now these calls are costing these banks money. How much money – is up to you and me. Here is my theory-
There are a billion people in this country. Assuming 50% of those fall in the age group of income-earners. Assuming 10% of those fall in the category of middle-class, upper middle class salaried or self-employed people. Assuming only 10% of those have a credit card. This comes out to be 5 million people. I receive on an average about 2 calls per day from these banks. So this comes out to be 10 million calls/day. Assuming you make each call last a min longer than it normally does, and at 30 paisa/ min, this comes out to be 3 million rupees/day. That’s more than 1 billion Rs / year !!!
That’s a huge amount. So, just by bull-shitting the bank agent a little longer, you can cut a hole in the evil corporate bank’s pocket to the size of a BILLION rupees. That’s huge man. For 2 min of bull-shitting per day!!!
Now comes the second angle to my theory. I really feel sorry for these call center agents. I genuinely do. I would hate to do a job like that. Talking to irate customers all day long-man that’s gotta suck!!! I am assuming someone’s randomly monitoring these calls in the call-centre. So if this guys listens in to a conversation like I mentioned above, he would think – ‘Ah! Here’s a satisfied sounding customer. I am sure the agent is doing a good job. I must recommend her for a raise”.
Needless to say, this will cut another hole in the bank’s pocket.
Finally having a conversation like this makes me smile for at least 10 mins. I think that alone makes it worth it.
Wot say?
Voice: Is this mister Singh?
Mister Singh: Yes.
Voice: Hello mister Singh. This is Champa (name changed – coz I forgot her real name) calling on behalf of HSBC bank.
Mister Singh: Hello Champa.
Voice: Would this be a convenient time to talk to you mister Singh?
Mister Singh: Yes Champa. This would infact be an excellent time to talk to me.
Voice: Mr. Singh, since you are a valuable customer of HSBC bank, we have some special offers for you.
Mister Singh: Oh really! How nice. Pray tell me about them.
Voice: Before I talk to you about the offers, I would like to confirm if you have credit cards from any other bank apart from HSBC.
Mister Singh: No. I don’t. I am very satisfied with the service provided by your bank.
Voice: The first offer is regarding balance transfer to other credit cards. We are offering this feature on very low interest rates.
Mister Singh: Hello?? Hello?? I can’t hear you Champa. Hold on…
Voice: Hello?? Mister Singh? Can you hear me?
Mister Singh: Hello?? Hello?? Oh the signal is really weak here. Let me move to a different place. Hello?? Can you hear me Champa? Don’t hang up.
Voice: Hello?? Mister Singh?
Mister Singh: Hello?? Yes I can hear you now. Go ahead.
Voice: As I was saying, we have 2 offers for you. The first offer is regarding balance transfer to other credit cards. We are offering this feature on very low interest rates.
Mister Singh: Oh. How nice. But I just said that I don’t have any other credit cards.
Voice: Oh! Right. Okay mister Singh. Our other offer is regarding HSBC credit cards. We are offering you up to 3 more cards absolutely for free.
Mister Singh: You mean I don’t have to pay after I use them?
Voice: No no no no!!! You don’t have to pay any yearly rental or initial charges.
Mister Singh: Oh! But Champa, what will I do with 3 more credit cards?
Voice: Well mister Singh, you could give them to your family members.
Mister Singh: But Champa, I am a bachelor.
Voice: But you could give them to your parents or brothers and sisters.
Mister Singh: But they already have Credit cards, Champa.
Voice: I see. Anyways, thank you for your time mister Singh.
Mister Singh: No problem Champa. Hope to hear from you again about more offers.
Voice: (click)
Mister Singh: (laughing.....)
I can’t help wondering why I hadn’t written about this topic till now. These calls irritate me like few other things do. And I am sure many of you share my feelings. I have tried everything from politely saying “No thank you” to rudely hanging up the phone – but nothing seems to be helping. So finally I have discovered this new way of handling such calls which serves three purposes. Let me explain.
As you can see from the conversation pasted above, this call must have taken at least a min- min&half , as opposed to 10-15 secs had I said no in the beginning. Now these calls are costing these banks money. How much money – is up to you and me. Here is my theory-
There are a billion people in this country. Assuming 50% of those fall in the age group of income-earners. Assuming 10% of those fall in the category of middle-class, upper middle class salaried or self-employed people. Assuming only 10% of those have a credit card. This comes out to be 5 million people. I receive on an average about 2 calls per day from these banks. So this comes out to be 10 million calls/day. Assuming you make each call last a min longer than it normally does, and at 30 paisa/ min, this comes out to be 3 million rupees/day. That’s more than 1 billion Rs / year !!!
That’s a huge amount. So, just by bull-shitting the bank agent a little longer, you can cut a hole in the evil corporate bank’s pocket to the size of a BILLION rupees. That’s huge man. For 2 min of bull-shitting per day!!!
Now comes the second angle to my theory. I really feel sorry for these call center agents. I genuinely do. I would hate to do a job like that. Talking to irate customers all day long-man that’s gotta suck!!! I am assuming someone’s randomly monitoring these calls in the call-centre. So if this guys listens in to a conversation like I mentioned above, he would think – ‘Ah! Here’s a satisfied sounding customer. I am sure the agent is doing a good job. I must recommend her for a raise”.
Needless to say, this will cut another hole in the bank’s pocket.
Finally having a conversation like this makes me smile for at least 10 mins. I think that alone makes it worth it.
Wot say?
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Poultry Farm
Today I went to buy the form for the entrance test of a post graduate course in management. It’s called CAT. I think it stands for Common Aptitude Test… or something like that.
Now this CAT is a big deal in my country. A real big deal. It’s supposed to be the most difficult entrance examination to crack in the “whole wide world” owing to the intense competition because of the sheer number of people sitting for it. But competing with about a gazillion people every time you want entrance in some college is something all Indians get used to growing up.
Anyways, as I was standing in the line waiting for my turn to come, which took about 2 hours of standing by the way, several thoughts went through my mind.
I was asking myself if I am really fit for doing a management course.
Let’s see.
1. I was buying the form on the second last day before the deadline, with a good chance that the forms might actually run out.
Implies -> Not very responsible.
Imagine me going on to become the CEO of some company.
Second-in-Command: Boss, I think its time for us to file for bankruptcy. I think we can still save our ass and get out of this mess.
Me: Hmmm. When’s the last date? Oh, there’s plenty of time. You worry too much!
2. I should have been at the place where the forms were being sold really early. To avoid the rush. In fact, I even woke up at 6:30 today (which is a BIG deal for me), thinking that I’d be there by around 8:15 or so. And I would have, had I not switched on the frickin’ Idiot Box at 6:30 in the morning and started watching the same episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. which I saw last night before sleeping.
Implies -> Not good at managing time.
Second-in-command: Let’s go boss. The shareholders are waiting at the AGM. And we have to meet the president soon after.
Me: Sshhhh…. Grab a chair man. You just came at the right moment. I am watching Rocky-10. Stallone is about to kick the other guy’s ass in the World Octagenarian Heavyweight Championship.
Second-in-command: But sir, the president, the shareholders !!!
Me: Dude!!! Did you not hear me? ROCKY-10 !!!
3. I haven’t yet started studying for this CAT thing. And it’s just 3 months away. I think…
Implies - >Doesn’t have a grip on Status Quo.
Second-in-command: Sir, the SSCMEE team is here.
Me: The who???
Second-in-command: Sir, the audit team. To give us the SSCMEE security rating.
Me: The What?
Second-in-command: Sir, don’t you remember? You signed the proposal last week.
Me: Wait a minute? When did THAT happen?
Now I don’t know what qualities are looked for in a typical “”MBA-Material”” kinda guy, but I am sure “Irresponsible”, “Bad manager of time” and “Not having a grip on situation” are not one of them.
I think I should open a poultry farm or something. I mean how difficult can it be making/selling eggs. Just leave a couple of hens with a horny rooster and let nature do the rest.
Right???
Now this CAT is a big deal in my country. A real big deal. It’s supposed to be the most difficult entrance examination to crack in the “whole wide world” owing to the intense competition because of the sheer number of people sitting for it. But competing with about a gazillion people every time you want entrance in some college is something all Indians get used to growing up.
Anyways, as I was standing in the line waiting for my turn to come, which took about 2 hours of standing by the way, several thoughts went through my mind.
I was asking myself if I am really fit for doing a management course.
Let’s see.
1. I was buying the form on the second last day before the deadline, with a good chance that the forms might actually run out.
Implies -> Not very responsible.
Imagine me going on to become the CEO of some company.
Second-in-Command: Boss, I think its time for us to file for bankruptcy. I think we can still save our ass and get out of this mess.
Me: Hmmm. When’s the last date? Oh, there’s plenty of time. You worry too much!
2. I should have been at the place where the forms were being sold really early. To avoid the rush. In fact, I even woke up at 6:30 today (which is a BIG deal for me), thinking that I’d be there by around 8:15 or so. And I would have, had I not switched on the frickin’ Idiot Box at 6:30 in the morning and started watching the same episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. which I saw last night before sleeping.
Implies -> Not good at managing time.
Second-in-command: Let’s go boss. The shareholders are waiting at the AGM. And we have to meet the president soon after.
Me: Sshhhh…. Grab a chair man. You just came at the right moment. I am watching Rocky-10. Stallone is about to kick the other guy’s ass in the World Octagenarian Heavyweight Championship.
Second-in-command: But sir, the president, the shareholders !!!
Me: Dude!!! Did you not hear me? ROCKY-10 !!!
3. I haven’t yet started studying for this CAT thing. And it’s just 3 months away. I think…
Implies - >Doesn’t have a grip on Status Quo.
Second-in-command: Sir, the SSCMEE team is here.
Me: The who???
Second-in-command: Sir, the audit team. To give us the SSCMEE security rating.
Me: The What?
Second-in-command: Sir, don’t you remember? You signed the proposal last week.
Me: Wait a minute? When did THAT happen?
Now I don’t know what qualities are looked for in a typical “”MBA-Material”” kinda guy, but I am sure “Irresponsible”, “Bad manager of time” and “Not having a grip on situation” are not one of them.
I think I should open a poultry farm or something. I mean how difficult can it be making/selling eggs. Just leave a couple of hens with a horny rooster and let nature do the rest.
Right???
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
How I got inspired, made a plan, and got a life
I keep having this sinking feeling every now and then that i am just wasting
away my life. Everyone around me seems to have a plan. Some are studying
(for CAT, for GRE, for GMAT), some are changing jobs, some are getting to go
onsite and earn dollars. In short, everyone seems to be doing something or
preparing for something. They have "A Plan". And then there is yours tru'ly.
The only planning i seem to be doing is to decide where to eat my dinner
tonight, which movie to watch when i get back home and whether to watch the
Nth re-run of F.R.I.E.N.D.S (what's with the dots? so difficult to type!!)
on Star World or "The fabulous life of the rich and famous" on VH1.
Hmm... Not good. Not good at all.
So then i decided, on one fine morning, to come up with my
own "Plan". Normally, i wouldn't put a personal thing like that on this
blog, but when i finished making the plan and read it, i was so damn sure i
wasn't going to follow even a single part of it, that i burst out laughing
at my own optimism.
The Plan
1. Finances - Start keeping strict track of finances. Avoid splurging. Do
NOT go anywhere near a supermarket for at least a month. Hide Credit
Card somewhere. Kick room-mate whenever he says "Ja, jee le apni zindagi".
2. Food - Only veg food (eggs are veg). One month trial basis. Non-veg only
when out with friends. "Naughty Angels Cafe" does not count as outing. Cut
down on junk food. Stay away from McDonalds and KFC.
3. Work - Try... just try to come to work on time every day (Office starts
at 9:30 by the way). Don't leave early unless something important
comes up (going home and watching "Seinfeld" does NOT count as "something
important") . Don't chill-out at office.
4. Learning - Start reading more. Finish at least one book every week. Start
reading more mags ( "Top Gear" does not count. Neither does
"Digit"). And for god's sake start the MCAD preparation.
5. Television - CUT DOWN. Watch more news. Do not watch "Fabulous life of
the rich and famous" on VH1 and "MTV Cribs" anymore.
6. Body - Sleep earlier everyday. By around 12. Wake up early. Around 7
should be fine. Start doing push-ups everyday. And any other exercise which
can be done indoors. Bring out the skipping rope.
7. Guitar - Practice for at least half an hour everyday. Be religious about
it.
8. Laptop - Use it for something better than playing games (Counter-Strike
is NOT a game. It is a tried and tested method for stress-relief).
Un-install Doom3. start readin tech books on it.
9. Movies - Not more than 5 per week ( 2 on weekdays, 3 on weekends). Not
more than 1 in theatre per week. Do NOT watch Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.
10. Mind - Start writing more. Write something every night before going to
bed. Try and add something to the blog at least once a week.
As i said, after reading this, it was hard not to laugh at my own optimism.
I am sitting in office and writing all this. I guess point #3
would be kinda difficult to deal with.
away my life. Everyone around me seems to have a plan. Some are studying
(for CAT, for GRE, for GMAT), some are changing jobs, some are getting to go
onsite and earn dollars. In short, everyone seems to be doing something or
preparing for something. They have "A Plan". And then there is yours tru'ly.
The only planning i seem to be doing is to decide where to eat my dinner
tonight, which movie to watch when i get back home and whether to watch the
Nth re-run of F.R.I.E.N.D.S (what's with the dots? so difficult to type!!)
on Star World or "The fabulous life of the rich and famous" on VH1.
Hmm... Not good. Not good at all.
So then i decided, on one fine morning, to come up with my
own "Plan". Normally, i wouldn't put a personal thing like that on this
blog, but when i finished making the plan and read it, i was so damn sure i
wasn't going to follow even a single part of it, that i burst out laughing
at my own optimism.
The Plan
1. Finances - Start keeping strict track of finances. Avoid splurging. Do
NOT go anywhere near a supermarket for at least a month. Hide Credit
Card somewhere. Kick room-mate whenever he says "Ja, jee le apni zindagi".
2. Food - Only veg food (eggs are veg). One month trial basis. Non-veg only
when out with friends. "Naughty Angels Cafe" does not count as outing. Cut
down on junk food. Stay away from McDonalds and KFC.
3. Work - Try... just try to come to work on time every day (Office starts
at 9:30 by the way). Don't leave early unless something important
comes up (going home and watching "Seinfeld" does NOT count as "something
important") . Don't chill-out at office.
4. Learning - Start reading more. Finish at least one book every week. Start
reading more mags ( "Top Gear" does not count. Neither does
"Digit"). And for god's sake start the MCAD preparation.
5. Television - CUT DOWN. Watch more news. Do not watch "Fabulous life of
the rich and famous" on VH1 and "MTV Cribs" anymore.
6. Body - Sleep earlier everyday. By around 12. Wake up early. Around 7
should be fine. Start doing push-ups everyday. And any other exercise which
can be done indoors. Bring out the skipping rope.
7. Guitar - Practice for at least half an hour everyday. Be religious about
it.
8. Laptop - Use it for something better than playing games (Counter-Strike
is NOT a game. It is a tried and tested method for stress-relief).
Un-install Doom3. start readin tech books on it.
9. Movies - Not more than 5 per week ( 2 on weekdays, 3 on weekends). Not
more than 1 in theatre per week. Do NOT watch Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.
10. Mind - Start writing more. Write something every night before going to
bed. Try and add something to the blog at least once a week.
As i said, after reading this, it was hard not to laugh at my own optimism.
I am sitting in office and writing all this. I guess point #3
would be kinda difficult to deal with.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Common Sense
There comes a moment in every man’s life when all he wishes for is a Chain-saw or a Desert Eagle or a Sawed off shotgun to blow off a couple of heads. Today, I encountered such a moment.
I had to attend some stupid meeting about some stupid audit. Every one from my Program Manager to… well…err.. myself – me being at the lowest level of the hierarchy – was present there. Now most of the people present there were really senior. And I am sure they must have attended plenty of meetings in their careers. And this meeting was labeled to be **Critical** in the meeting invitation that I had received earlier.
Now, the program manager was saying something which I didn’t really pay much attention to. I was just sitting there, peacefully, staring out the window, dreaming about Pirates of Caribbean, imagining myself to be Captain Jack “Singh” Sparrow, walking on the beach with Kiera Knightly, drinking rum … you get the picture, when suddenly, someone’s mobile phone rang. As the concerned person was fumbling stupidly with his phone, I was sure he was going to get a lecture from the Program Manager. But no, the PM just kept on talking as if nothing had happened. I was a bit surprised to say the least. And then 5 mins later, another phone… and then another… and then another till finally the grand finale. The Project Manager’s phone rings. Aaghhh. The Agony! A gun. Please! Somebody stop them!!!
You see, I just don’t understand this kind of behavior. I refuse to believe that these people are unaware of the “Silent” feature on the mobile… hellooo??? What’s wrong with them? I am the kind of guy who keeps my phone silent any time it’s in my pocket. And this is not just because I have a really old phone with a very embarrassing “Mono” ring tone, it’s because I … well actually, it’s just that. But still, in a meeting?? A critical meeting! Come on, give me a break. Does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that it’s really disturbing to hear “Sawan mein lag gayi aag” or some other stupid shit when you are dreaming about Kiera Knightley… err, I mean, when you are discussing critical audit issues?
Where has all the common sense gone?
I had to attend some stupid meeting about some stupid audit. Every one from my Program Manager to… well…err.. myself – me being at the lowest level of the hierarchy – was present there. Now most of the people present there were really senior. And I am sure they must have attended plenty of meetings in their careers. And this meeting was labeled to be **Critical** in the meeting invitation that I had received earlier.
Now, the program manager was saying something which I didn’t really pay much attention to. I was just sitting there, peacefully, staring out the window, dreaming about Pirates of Caribbean, imagining myself to be Captain Jack “Singh” Sparrow, walking on the beach with Kiera Knightly, drinking rum … you get the picture, when suddenly, someone’s mobile phone rang. As the concerned person was fumbling stupidly with his phone, I was sure he was going to get a lecture from the Program Manager. But no, the PM just kept on talking as if nothing had happened. I was a bit surprised to say the least. And then 5 mins later, another phone… and then another… and then another till finally the grand finale. The Project Manager’s phone rings. Aaghhh. The Agony! A gun. Please! Somebody stop them!!!
You see, I just don’t understand this kind of behavior. I refuse to believe that these people are unaware of the “Silent” feature on the mobile… hellooo??? What’s wrong with them? I am the kind of guy who keeps my phone silent any time it’s in my pocket. And this is not just because I have a really old phone with a very embarrassing “Mono” ring tone, it’s because I … well actually, it’s just that. But still, in a meeting?? A critical meeting! Come on, give me a break. Does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that it’s really disturbing to hear “Sawan mein lag gayi aag” or some other stupid shit when you are dreaming about Kiera Knightley… err, I mean, when you are discussing critical audit issues?
Where has all the common sense gone?
One fine Monday
It’s Monday. The time is 11:15, in the morning. I’ve been in office for an hour now and the net sum of what I have achieved so far comprises of drinking a cup of tea and checking my mail. I am feeling really sleepy because I was up late last night playing Counter Strike. I am looking at a day of really boring work ahead of me. I am feeling very cold because I got wet when coming to office and the AC here is really very powerful. And someone stole the stationary on my desk – again.
Good morning to you all!
It’s Monday. The time is 11:30, in the morning. I had a really chilled-out weekend. Saw lotsa good movies and played hours of Counter Strike. Woke up late in the morning. No hurry in coming to office. After all just some boring work to do all day. Plus I have a really cool manager who doesn’t really mind if I come in late. I got wet on the way to work today, but that was more by choice as I love getting wet in the rain. Although I won’t have anything super-exciting to do for the rest of the day, at least it gives me the time to write.
Good morning to you all!
Same morning. Two versions. Started writing the first version. Then felt that things weren’t as bad as I like to make them seem. Or rather, things don’t have to be as bad as I’d like them to be to give my self an excuse for cribbing.
“… I look at the world, and I notice it’s turning,
While my guitar gently weeps…”
Good morning to you all!
It’s Monday. The time is 11:30, in the morning. I had a really chilled-out weekend. Saw lotsa good movies and played hours of Counter Strike. Woke up late in the morning. No hurry in coming to office. After all just some boring work to do all day. Plus I have a really cool manager who doesn’t really mind if I come in late. I got wet on the way to work today, but that was more by choice as I love getting wet in the rain. Although I won’t have anything super-exciting to do for the rest of the day, at least it gives me the time to write.
Good morning to you all!
Same morning. Two versions. Started writing the first version. Then felt that things weren’t as bad as I like to make them seem. Or rather, things don’t have to be as bad as I’d like them to be to give my self an excuse for cribbing.
“… I look at the world, and I notice it’s turning,
While my guitar gently weeps…”
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Quality Objectives
This morning, when I came to office, I found the following memo on my desk.
Quality Policy
We are commited to meet customer's needs and expectations by delivering competitive IT and Business Process Outsourcing services and solutions.
Objectives
1. Deliver IT and BPO services and solutions that meet customer requirements.
2. Acquire and build long lasting relationships.
3. Improve our competitiveness by enhancing employee skills, process performance and technology utilization.
Let me pause a moment here to say - Hmmmmm…..
The management sure does know how to make their employees laugh out loud first thing in the morning.
I wonder how many MBAs it took to come up with this. I can imagine the meeting between the top brass and the newly recruited Over-enthusiastic MBA grad going something like this.
Top Brass #1: All right people. We need to show that we are doing some work. So I say, let's create a list of our quality objectives. We'll put the most obvious things in it and put it up on the wall where everyone can see it. Fills up the space on the walls in the lobby nicely. Those damn paintings are too frickin expensive.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I know what else we can do. We can take print outs of the objectives and put one on each employee's desk. Those stupid developers sure like sticking up things in their cubicles.
Top Brass #2: Hmmmm. That's a Great Idea. Let's do it. So what do we put in this objectives list?
Top Brass #1: Let's see. One objective could be - "Deliver IT and BPO services".
Top Brass #2: But what's so special about that? All IT companies do that.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I know. We deliver IT and BPO services….(a small pause here)... That Meet Customer Requirements !!
Top Brass #1: Woh dude! You are on Fire today!! That's brilliant. Sums up neatly what we do.
Top Brass #2: I just thought of another objective. I read this somewhere. "Build Long Lasting Relationships".
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I just proposed to my girlfriend yesterday.
Top Brass #1: (smiling with paternal affection) You truly belong in this company.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. And lets also put these quality objectives as everyone's desktop and screensaver.
Top Brass #2: But we already do that.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (crestfallen, yet with undying enthusiasm) Oh. Then let's go one step ahead. Let's put floor-to-ceiling carpets printed with these objectives, let's print t-shirts with these objectives and make it mandatory for employees to buy them, let's play a tape on the PA system endlessly repeating these objectives, let's….. Aaaagghhh!!! Objectives! Objectives! Objectives!
Top Brass #1: (smiling at Top Brass #2) Boy, this kid is GOOD.
Top Brass #2: (smiling at Top Brass #1) Yup. He sure is. Worth every rupee of the 10 Lakh we pay him annually. I am glad we were able to hire him. I wonder how he managed to stay un-placed till so late in the final semester.
Top Brass #1: He must have been too busy studying to bother about placements. His girlfriend sure is a lucky girl.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. And while we are at it, let's apply for CMMMMIIII level 100 too. It will sure look good on my resume.
Lucky indeed….
Quality Policy
We are commited to meet customer's needs and expectations by delivering competitive IT and Business Process Outsourcing services and solutions.
Objectives
1. Deliver IT and BPO services and solutions that meet customer requirements.
2. Acquire and build long lasting relationships.
3. Improve our competitiveness by enhancing employee skills, process performance and technology utilization.
Let me pause a moment here to say - Hmmmmm…..
The management sure does know how to make their employees laugh out loud first thing in the morning.
I wonder how many MBAs it took to come up with this. I can imagine the meeting between the top brass and the newly recruited Over-enthusiastic MBA grad going something like this.
Top Brass #1: All right people. We need to show that we are doing some work. So I say, let's create a list of our quality objectives. We'll put the most obvious things in it and put it up on the wall where everyone can see it. Fills up the space on the walls in the lobby nicely. Those damn paintings are too frickin expensive.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I know what else we can do. We can take print outs of the objectives and put one on each employee's desk. Those stupid developers sure like sticking up things in their cubicles.
Top Brass #2: Hmmmm. That's a Great Idea. Let's do it. So what do we put in this objectives list?
Top Brass #1: Let's see. One objective could be - "Deliver IT and BPO services".
Top Brass #2: But what's so special about that? All IT companies do that.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I know. We deliver IT and BPO services….(a small pause here)... That Meet Customer Requirements !!
Top Brass #1: Woh dude! You are on Fire today!! That's brilliant. Sums up neatly what we do.
Top Brass #2: I just thought of another objective. I read this somewhere. "Build Long Lasting Relationships".
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I just proposed to my girlfriend yesterday.
Top Brass #1: (smiling with paternal affection) You truly belong in this company.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. And lets also put these quality objectives as everyone's desktop and screensaver.
Top Brass #2: But we already do that.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (crestfallen, yet with undying enthusiasm) Oh. Then let's go one step ahead. Let's put floor-to-ceiling carpets printed with these objectives, let's print t-shirts with these objectives and make it mandatory for employees to buy them, let's play a tape on the PA system endlessly repeating these objectives, let's….. Aaaagghhh!!! Objectives! Objectives! Objectives!
Top Brass #1: (smiling at Top Brass #2) Boy, this kid is GOOD.
Top Brass #2: (smiling at Top Brass #1) Yup. He sure is. Worth every rupee of the 10 Lakh we pay him annually. I am glad we were able to hire him. I wonder how he managed to stay un-placed till so late in the final semester.
Top Brass #1: He must have been too busy studying to bother about placements. His girlfriend sure is a lucky girl.
Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. And while we are at it, let's apply for CMMMMIIII level 100 too. It will sure look good on my resume.
Lucky indeed….
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Why the name?
Ever since I have published my blog, a lot of people have questioned me about the URL of the blog – “bovina-sancta”. What does it mean and why did I choose it.
The answer to the first part is – “bovina-sancta” is Latin for “Holy Cow!”. Like the exclamation. Do you get the intended subtle **Humor** ? If you do, then your sense of humor is as bad as mine. And if you don’t, well, then you must be dumb or something.
The answer to the second part is – it’s a lame attempt on my part to be **witty**. I could have chosen a name like “Mythoughts” or something like that, but come on, that’s just plain boring. And people always prefer the ‘witty’, ‘humorous’, ‘attractive’ to the ‘plain’, ’simple’, ’boring’.
Imagine me having a conversation with a hot chick. It goes something like this-
Hot chick: So what are your hobbies?
Me: Well other than spending time in orphanages and slums, playing with terminally ill children, working with several NGOs, I also like writing. I even have a blog. You should check it out sometime. www.mythoughts.com.
Hot chick: Nice. I’ll check it out sometime.
Me: Okay.
End of conversation. Now the pressure will be on me to come up with another topic.
On the other hand, imagine this alternative-
Hot chick: So what are your hobbies?
Me: Well other than spending time in orphanages and slums, playing with terminally ill children, working with several NGOs, I also like writing. I even have a blog. You should check it out sometime. www.bovina-sancta.com.
Hot chick: Oh. What does that mean?
Me: It’s Latin for “Holy Cow”! Like the exclamation.
Hot chick: (impressed) So you know Latin?
Me: Yeah. A little. I picked it up from the internet.
Hot chick: (in a suggestive manner) You must teach me too.
Me: (giving the “I got your hint” look) Definitely.
And then I ask her for a dance. In Latin of course.
So then. I think I have proven my point here. I rest my case. In case you still haven’t understood, you must be dumb or something.
The answer to the first part is – “bovina-sancta” is Latin for “Holy Cow!”. Like the exclamation. Do you get the intended subtle **Humor** ? If you do, then your sense of humor is as bad as mine. And if you don’t, well, then you must be dumb or something.
The answer to the second part is – it’s a lame attempt on my part to be **witty**. I could have chosen a name like “Mythoughts” or something like that, but come on, that’s just plain boring. And people always prefer the ‘witty’, ‘humorous’, ‘attractive’ to the ‘plain’, ’simple’, ’boring’.
Imagine me having a conversation with a hot chick. It goes something like this-
Hot chick: So what are your hobbies?
Me: Well other than spending time in orphanages and slums, playing with terminally ill children, working with several NGOs, I also like writing. I even have a blog. You should check it out sometime. www.mythoughts.com.
Hot chick: Nice. I’ll check it out sometime.
Me: Okay.
End of conversation. Now the pressure will be on me to come up with another topic.
On the other hand, imagine this alternative-
Hot chick: So what are your hobbies?
Me: Well other than spending time in orphanages and slums, playing with terminally ill children, working with several NGOs, I also like writing. I even have a blog. You should check it out sometime. www.bovina-sancta.com.
Hot chick: Oh. What does that mean?
Me: It’s Latin for “Holy Cow”! Like the exclamation.
Hot chick: (impressed) So you know Latin?
Me: Yeah. A little. I picked it up from the internet.
Hot chick: (in a suggestive manner) You must teach me too.
Me: (giving the “I got your hint” look) Definitely.
And then I ask her for a dance. In Latin of course.
So then. I think I have proven my point here. I rest my case. In case you still haven’t understood, you must be dumb or something.
Friday, July 14, 2006
About first conversations
Question: How do you begin conversation with a colleague sitting in the cubicle next to you.
Parameters:
1. The colleague is not in the same project as you.
2. The colleague shares your extension number.
3. The colleague doesn't seem to be the talkative, friendly, <<"Hi i brought sweets from home, eat them">> kind.
4. The colleague looks to be the kind who'll be able to have an intelligent conversation, and not the <<"..then he did this, and then she said that, he he he he...">> kind of conversation.
5. The colleague looks to be roughly in the same age group (20-25) as me.
6. The colleague happens to be a girl.
There you go. The problem has been defined. Ordinarily, I would leave such a colleague alone, but parameter #6 somehow changes the whole equation. My "Inner Killer Male Survival Instinct" (mentioned in earlier posts as well, to be henceforth refered to as IKMSI) has kicked in, and no matter how much i try, it refuses to leave me alone. Therefore, something must be done.
Now, when it comes to girls, i am NOT very good at opening lines. Generally when being introduced to a girl (which is an event which takes place every time all the planets line up in a straight line. (It does happen, okay!!)), all i manage to come up with is a forced smile and a few words like.... well, "Hi". And this too when i am introduced by someone else. I generally hope that the person who is introducing me likes me enough to say some nice things about me. Now it's not that i am shy or something. And i think i can be really funny too. In fact, i fancy myself to be quite a decent conversationalist. But somehow, when it comes to talking to strange girls (wait, that didn't sound right), i am completely clueless.
So let's see. What are a few opening lines.
1. Me: The weather is really fine today.
The Girl: We are sitting in an air-conditioned room you dickhead.
2. Me: Hi. I would like to do friendship with you.
The Girl: F***k off!
3. Me: My monitor is bigger than yours !!
The Girl: (no response)
4. Me: Hi. Myself Champak (real name changed).
The Girl: (questioning look)So??
5. Me: So which project are you in?
The Girl: Might actually respond.
So as you can see, i really am NOT good in this. And honestly, i can't understand how the whole "I want to do friendship with you" routine works. I have seen so many of those in Orkut. I just don't get it. Hell, if a weird looking girl (I put myself in the same category - Weird Looking ) came up to me said "Hi. Myself Pushpa. I would like to do friendship with you", i would just say "Talk to the hand!!! Girl!!". Of course if the girl happened to be Hot, my response would be very different (something like "aka haka daka laka aka daka baka" ). But then, the rules for hot people are different. And who am i to mess with them.
Back to the original question of this post. Its really weird actually. I am not really attracted to this girl or anything. It's more of an irritation actually. My inability to talk to her, that's driving me nuts.
Things used to be a lot simpler in school. Sitting in the same classroom sort of brings together people in an easy kind of way. You join a new school, sit in a class of 50 students for 1 month by the end of which everyone hopefully knows your name. Then you slowly start hanging around a group of people and the next thing you know, you've had had a conversation with almost every girl in the class. And you won't even remember how it began. It was that simple.
Things in college were slightly more complicated but breaking the ice still wasn't that difficult. You just go to a girl and ask if she has written the latest journal assignment ( which she inevitably would have) and even though you have no intention of actually writing the journal, its still as good an excuse as they come.
But here at work, things are really different. The strangers are actually strangers. That coupled with my inability and lack of interest to befriend all my colleagues, makes this a very daunting task. For some reason i have this incredible urge to be witty when meeting or talking to someone new. Even though they don't matter much to me, i have a feeling that first impressions do matter to a lot of people. So i guess this additional pressure makes things that much more difficult.
I wish i could put up sign on my desk saying - "I suffer from a severe speech disorder which i got when i got hit on the head by a speeding truck as a child while trying to save a puppy crossing a street. This disorder makes my shy from talking to strangers. Please initiate all conversations your self".
hmmm... I am sure i'll get a lot of sympathy votes from women.
The colleague just walked in. It's amazing how little time you take to press Windows Key + D after an year of Software Engineering.
Parameters:
1. The colleague is not in the same project as you.
2. The colleague shares your extension number.
3. The colleague doesn't seem to be the talkative, friendly, <<"Hi i brought sweets from home, eat them">> kind.
4. The colleague looks to be the kind who'll be able to have an intelligent conversation, and not the <<"..then he did this, and then she said that, he he he he...">> kind of conversation.
5. The colleague looks to be roughly in the same age group (20-25) as me.
6. The colleague happens to be a girl.
There you go. The problem has been defined. Ordinarily, I would leave such a colleague alone, but parameter #6 somehow changes the whole equation. My "Inner Killer Male Survival Instinct" (mentioned in earlier posts as well, to be henceforth refered to as IKMSI) has kicked in, and no matter how much i try, it refuses to leave me alone. Therefore, something must be done.
Now, when it comes to girls, i am NOT very good at opening lines. Generally when being introduced to a girl (which is an event which takes place every time all the planets line up in a straight line. (It does happen, okay!!)), all i manage to come up with is a forced smile and a few words like.... well, "Hi". And this too when i am introduced by someone else. I generally hope that the person who is introducing me likes me enough to say some nice things about me. Now it's not that i am shy or something. And i think i can be really funny too. In fact, i fancy myself to be quite a decent conversationalist. But somehow, when it comes to talking to strange girls (wait, that didn't sound right), i am completely clueless.
So let's see. What are a few opening lines.
1. Me: The weather is really fine today.
The Girl: We are sitting in an air-conditioned room you dickhead.
2. Me: Hi. I would like to do friendship with you.
The Girl: F***k off!
3. Me: My monitor is bigger than yours !!
The Girl: (no response)
4. Me: Hi. Myself Champak (real name changed).
The Girl: (questioning look)So??
5. Me: So which project are you in?
The Girl: Might actually respond.
So as you can see, i really am NOT good in this. And honestly, i can't understand how the whole "I want to do friendship with you" routine works. I have seen so many of those in Orkut. I just don't get it. Hell, if a weird looking girl (I put myself in the same category - Weird Looking ) came up to me said "Hi. Myself Pushpa. I would like to do friendship with you", i would just say "Talk to the hand!!! Girl!!". Of course if the girl happened to be Hot, my response would be very different (something like "aka haka daka laka aka daka baka" ). But then, the rules for hot people are different. And who am i to mess with them.
Back to the original question of this post. Its really weird actually. I am not really attracted to this girl or anything. It's more of an irritation actually. My inability to talk to her, that's driving me nuts.
Things used to be a lot simpler in school. Sitting in the same classroom sort of brings together people in an easy kind of way. You join a new school, sit in a class of 50 students for 1 month by the end of which everyone hopefully knows your name. Then you slowly start hanging around a group of people and the next thing you know, you've had had a conversation with almost every girl in the class. And you won't even remember how it began. It was that simple.
Things in college were slightly more complicated but breaking the ice still wasn't that difficult. You just go to a girl and ask if she has written the latest journal assignment ( which she inevitably would have) and even though you have no intention of actually writing the journal, its still as good an excuse as they come.
But here at work, things are really different. The strangers are actually strangers. That coupled with my inability and lack of interest to befriend all my colleagues, makes this a very daunting task. For some reason i have this incredible urge to be witty when meeting or talking to someone new. Even though they don't matter much to me, i have a feeling that first impressions do matter to a lot of people. So i guess this additional pressure makes things that much more difficult.
I wish i could put up sign on my desk saying - "I suffer from a severe speech disorder which i got when i got hit on the head by a speeding truck as a child while trying to save a puppy crossing a street. This disorder makes my shy from talking to strangers. Please initiate all conversations your self".
hmmm... I am sure i'll get a lot of sympathy votes from women.
The colleague just walked in. It's amazing how little time you take to press Windows Key + D after an year of Software Engineering.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Time to think
Why am i here?
In the software industry? Did i ever reallly have a choice? I mean after doing computer engineering, it wouldn't have made much sense for me to start my medical practice. Right? And then the only reason i did engineering in the first place was cause i was scared shit of studying those 10-inch thick medical books.
So then what is my reason? Is it the money? Well it could have been, till a few years ago, but not anymore. Is it job satisfaction? I don't think so. At least not by doing the kind of work that's there is the industry these days. Is it job security? No. Is it the lifestyle? No. And no to a number of different reasons i could think of.
So then why AM i here? I have asked this question to myself a 1000 times during the last year and everytime i have drawn a blank. I even convinced myself for a while that a job is a job. It's just a mean of earning a livelihood. All that job-satisfaction nonsense is just that - non-sense. Somehow, working on boring projects under stupid deadlines, I forgot why i was here in the first place. I had become really jaded. 2 months sitting on the bench didn't help things either. I was confused whether i should quit all this and prepare for an MBA degree. After all, THAT certainly seems to be a panacea in everyone's opinion. "...get and MBA degree and earn big bucks. An MBA degree is the quickest way to the top...." . And i almost bought that.
But then, today, after 365 days of working in an industry i was not sure was right for me, I discovered my reason for being here.
And all it took for the realisation to strike was....
A small program. Hardly 30 lines of code. Just that. A program to calculate the largest prime number after a given number.
Let me explain.
I am learning Perl. Part of my new project. And as any programmer worth his while will tell you, the best way to learn a new language is by programming in it. So, as i started making small basic programs in Perl ( factorial, sorting, prime number, you know the kind..), something remarkable happened. For a while, I was transported back in time to my first year in college. To the time when i first started learning C. By making small programs just like these. And i felt what i had felt back then. The pure joy of coding. The thrill of running your program from the command line. The fun of tweaking around till you get it right. The joy of optimizing a 30 line code to a 20 line one which ends up running twice as slow. The first look of dissapointment when you find out that recursive programs, although cooler to look at, are not always better than their iterative counterparts. And now, after 4 years, as i make the same programs, in a language that is remarkably similar to C, i felt all that. The same childish excitement. And instantly i knew why was here.
I read the story about a millionaire from Texas who lost his fortune in gambling two times. But he made all the money back again. Simply because he loved doing what he did.
Now i am not implying that i will make millions by coding. I am just an average programmer. I have seen people far far better than me. The kind of people who create magic with the code they write and become millionaires. If I ever want to become rich and successful in life, I WILL have to evolve. Maybe that's why i will do an MBA. But that's not the point. The point is, that at least till that happens, i will be satisfied. I will have the satisfaction of knowing that i am not wasting my time. I am doing what i love doing. Even if i don't get the kind of work i want, i'll still manage to do allright, because underneath everything lies the fact that i love programming. I might not be exceptional at it, but i sure do love it. And if i manage to get the thrill of programming from time to time, even if the work i am doing is "Support and Maintenance", i'll be happy. And that's good enough for me.
please excuse me if you find this a little touchy-feely. What can i say, it's raining outside. :)
In the software industry? Did i ever reallly have a choice? I mean after doing computer engineering, it wouldn't have made much sense for me to start my medical practice. Right? And then the only reason i did engineering in the first place was cause i was scared shit of studying those 10-inch thick medical books.
So then what is my reason? Is it the money? Well it could have been, till a few years ago, but not anymore. Is it job satisfaction? I don't think so. At least not by doing the kind of work that's there is the industry these days. Is it job security? No. Is it the lifestyle? No. And no to a number of different reasons i could think of.
So then why AM i here? I have asked this question to myself a 1000 times during the last year and everytime i have drawn a blank. I even convinced myself for a while that a job is a job. It's just a mean of earning a livelihood. All that job-satisfaction nonsense is just that - non-sense. Somehow, working on boring projects under stupid deadlines, I forgot why i was here in the first place. I had become really jaded. 2 months sitting on the bench didn't help things either. I was confused whether i should quit all this and prepare for an MBA degree. After all, THAT certainly seems to be a panacea in everyone's opinion. "...get and MBA degree and earn big bucks. An MBA degree is the quickest way to the top...." . And i almost bought that.
But then, today, after 365 days of working in an industry i was not sure was right for me, I discovered my reason for being here.
And all it took for the realisation to strike was....
A small program. Hardly 30 lines of code. Just that. A program to calculate the largest prime number after a given number.
Let me explain.
I am learning Perl. Part of my new project. And as any programmer worth his while will tell you, the best way to learn a new language is by programming in it. So, as i started making small basic programs in Perl ( factorial, sorting, prime number, you know the kind..), something remarkable happened. For a while, I was transported back in time to my first year in college. To the time when i first started learning C. By making small programs just like these. And i felt what i had felt back then. The pure joy of coding. The thrill of running your program from the command line. The fun of tweaking around till you get it right. The joy of optimizing a 30 line code to a 20 line one which ends up running twice as slow. The first look of dissapointment when you find out that recursive programs, although cooler to look at, are not always better than their iterative counterparts. And now, after 4 years, as i make the same programs, in a language that is remarkably similar to C, i felt all that. The same childish excitement. And instantly i knew why was here.
I read the story about a millionaire from Texas who lost his fortune in gambling two times. But he made all the money back again. Simply because he loved doing what he did.
Now i am not implying that i will make millions by coding. I am just an average programmer. I have seen people far far better than me. The kind of people who create magic with the code they write and become millionaires. If I ever want to become rich and successful in life, I WILL have to evolve. Maybe that's why i will do an MBA. But that's not the point. The point is, that at least till that happens, i will be satisfied. I will have the satisfaction of knowing that i am not wasting my time. I am doing what i love doing. Even if i don't get the kind of work i want, i'll still manage to do allright, because underneath everything lies the fact that i love programming. I might not be exceptional at it, but i sure do love it. And if i manage to get the thrill of programming from time to time, even if the work i am doing is "Support and Maintenance", i'll be happy. And that's good enough for me.
please excuse me if you find this a little touchy-feely. What can i say, it's raining outside. :)
Death of a Software Engineer - Life on the bench
Day 0
2:30 PM
Got the dreaded mail from HR.
“Please send your updated resume. And could you come and meet me ASAP?” (Damn!)
I thought what’s the hurry? Let’s delay the meeting as much as possible. Heck, I’ll not go today at all. Just going enjoy my last few hours with my super-fast machine.
3:30 PM
Got another mail from HR. No point in delaying the inevitable. Must go now. Take the blow head-on.
3:45 PM
(HR’s office)
NOTE: These HR people are really ‘different’ from us developers. You should see their offices. The over-decorated, stuffed-with-soft toys, post-it’s every where kinda cubicles. What’s the deal with that? Are we developers allowed to do that??
Conversation with Resource Manager:
RM: Hey ! How are you?
ME: (I’ve changed 2 projects in less than a month, I don’t have a place to sit, and your cubicle is so much better than mine… I hate you!!) Great! I’m good.
RM: So, you’re in the pool now.
ME: (Really!! You don’t say. I thought this meeting was to discuss our company's plans to go for a hostile takeover bid on Microsoft). Yes.
RM: So where are you from?
ME: (Why? Is our company planning to open a 20000 capacity Development center in my hometown and make me the manager? ) Well actually I’m from an army background, so I’ve never really stayed at one place for too long.
RM: Oh really? Which core?
ME: (What the …?). Signals
RM: My father was in the army too. He was in the core of Engineers.
ME: (Aaah! This is getting interesting. Army background. Same religious background. Not bad looking. Hello!!! Quick, look at her finger. Is she married?? Would she be having a boyfriend??) Oh really!
RM: So you were in Investec before.
ME: (Coffee? Movie? Dinner? Quick. Think!!!) Yes.
RM: Okay. So where are you sitting right now?
ME: (What was the name of that stupid movie, the one with the Himesh Reshamiya song. Deewana kar gaye humko or something….) I am sitting at my workstation in the Fujitsu ODC.
RM: Okay. You can’t sit there anymore. I’ll allocate you a new cubicle.
ME: (Adlabs? Inox? E-Square?.... WHAT ?? (Explosion. Fire Alarm. Mirror breaking.) NEW CUBICLE ??? NOOOOO. Be cool man. Be cool. It’s just for a couple of days.) Okay.
RM: Go to Alps Building, First floor and take either of workstation number 59,60 or 61.
ME: (Gulp. Jeez. Thanks a lot. You’ve made my day. You can forget the movie now) Okay.
RM: Okay then. That’ll be all. Call me when you get there to tell me your extension number.
ME: (Hmmm. Asking me to call back. And asking for my number. Forget it girl. You’ve blown your chance now) Okay. Thanks.
Well that was that. But life goes on. Must keep going. All that philosophical crap was going through my head as I walked back to my office to clear up my cubicle.
Problem: I have almost 1 GB of data in my personal folder on my workstation. I just can’t leave it behind. What to do?
Solution: The iPod !!
Catch: All my songs have to go. Songs that I took over 3 months to select and put on my iPod. Damn you. Is there any justice in this world? Damn you twice. And she had the nerve to ask me to call her back. Dream on baby. Dream on.
40 Minutes later
Machine 59, machine 59, where art thou? Machine 59. Ah! There it is. In the corner. Not a bad place. Wait a second. What do we have here? A girl. Sitting on machine 59. Heh heh. This might turn out to be a good experience after all. I’ll take number 60 and we’ll be happy ever after.
From this point of time, every thing is happening in a weird matrix style, bullet-time, slow motion kind of speed. I am walking towards machine 60. From the corner of my eye, I can see another guy (much older than me, and a lot less handsome, thank you very much) walking towards the general direction of machines 59,60 and 61. My male killer survival instinct kicks in (yes, we do have it. It’s called Libido). My feet start moving faster. Of course this distance of just a couple of feet is taking a lot of time to cover (slow motion, remember). My brain is already analyzing the relative speeds of ‘another guy’ and me and I am pretty sure I am going to beat him to machine 60. Heh Heh. Sucker.
I’d like to take a moment now to tell you about this bag I have. This small black executive bag that you hang on your side, you know, to go with the corporate look. I generally carry my Airtel bills for the last 7 months in it. Plus some stationary that I keep taking from the stationary store every now and then. You know, pencils, markers, pens, erasers, post-its etcetera, etcetera. Things that are absolutely essential for any software engineer to work efficiently. So this bag is very handy indeed.
Now I have been carrying this bag for almost 8 months. Never before has it given my any trouble. Trouble like getting caught in a sharp corner of a desk for instance. But at that very instant - just when I was but few steps away from machine 60, my Utopia, just when I could just start imagining the look on ‘another guy’s’ face when I’d take up machine 60, just when I’d started thinking about Movies and dinners and coffee again - my bag decided to get caught in a sharp corner of a desk. Stupid… stupid bag.
Of course you can imagine the rest of the story very well from this point of time. I lost my balance. My shoulder made a weird clicking noise (which hurt a lot, but what’s pain compared to the loss of machine 60). People nearby turned to look at me. I apologized profusely. And meanwhile, lost machine 60. Forever.
I picked up my bag. Walked over to machine 61. ‘Another guy’ and the girl had already stuck up a conversation. Lucky SOB. I booted machine 61, tried to log in, and got a big stupid windows error message. Tried to determine the cause of the problem (engineering instincts. Yes, we have that too) and lo’ behold. What do I find out? The network cable is missing. You’ve got to be kidding me. This day just keeps getting better and better.
This left me no option but to call the Resource Manager. Overpowering all my male ego (yes, we definitely have that), I called her up. No response. At this point of time, all I was wishing for was a desert eagle so that I could blow my brains out. But since that wasn’t about to happen, I thought I’d go and get a cup of coffee. Of course, since my access card for this floor is not working, I had to take the back door and walk about thrice the distance I normally would have walked to get the vending machine, which incidentally was out of coffee. But of course. What else did I expect? Drank a glass of lukewarm water and came back.
Tried calling the Resource manager again and this time got through. Was instructed to call up the admin guys. Ah. The dreaded admin guys. I could feel the knot tightening in my stomach. Called them up. No response. Called again after a while. The person responsible for replacing missing network cables was in a meeting. They actually have a person for that!! Jeez. Anyways, it was about 5:15 by this time and my patience was running out. So decided to call it a day.
2:30 PM
Got the dreaded mail from HR.
“Please send your updated resume. And could you come and meet me ASAP?” (Damn!)
I thought what’s the hurry? Let’s delay the meeting as much as possible. Heck, I’ll not go today at all. Just going enjoy my last few hours with my super-fast machine.
3:30 PM
Got another mail from HR. No point in delaying the inevitable. Must go now. Take the blow head-on.
3:45 PM
(HR’s office)
NOTE: These HR people are really ‘different’ from us developers. You should see their offices. The over-decorated, stuffed-with-soft toys, post-it’s every where kinda cubicles. What’s the deal with that? Are we developers allowed to do that??
Conversation with Resource Manager:
RM: Hey ! How are you?
ME: (I’ve changed 2 projects in less than a month, I don’t have a place to sit, and your cubicle is so much better than mine… I hate you!!) Great! I’m good.
RM: So, you’re in the pool now.
ME: (Really!! You don’t say. I thought this meeting was to discuss our company's plans to go for a hostile takeover bid on Microsoft). Yes.
RM: So where are you from?
ME: (Why? Is our company planning to open a 20000 capacity Development center in my hometown and make me the manager? ) Well actually I’m from an army background, so I’ve never really stayed at one place for too long.
RM: Oh really? Which core?
ME: (What the …?). Signals
RM: My father was in the army too. He was in the core of Engineers.
ME: (Aaah! This is getting interesting. Army background. Same religious background. Not bad looking. Hello!!! Quick, look at her finger. Is she married?? Would she be having a boyfriend??) Oh really!
RM: So you were in Investec before.
ME: (Coffee? Movie? Dinner? Quick. Think!!!) Yes.
RM: Okay. So where are you sitting right now?
ME: (What was the name of that stupid movie, the one with the Himesh Reshamiya song. Deewana kar gaye humko or something….) I am sitting at my workstation in the Fujitsu ODC.
RM: Okay. You can’t sit there anymore. I’ll allocate you a new cubicle.
ME: (Adlabs? Inox? E-Square?.... WHAT ?? (Explosion. Fire Alarm. Mirror breaking.) NEW CUBICLE ??? NOOOOO. Be cool man. Be cool. It’s just for a couple of days.) Okay.
RM: Go to Alps Building, First floor and take either of workstation number 59,60 or 61.
ME: (Gulp. Jeez. Thanks a lot. You’ve made my day. You can forget the movie now) Okay.
RM: Okay then. That’ll be all. Call me when you get there to tell me your extension number.
ME: (Hmmm. Asking me to call back. And asking for my number. Forget it girl. You’ve blown your chance now) Okay. Thanks.
Well that was that. But life goes on. Must keep going. All that philosophical crap was going through my head as I walked back to my office to clear up my cubicle.
Problem: I have almost 1 GB of data in my personal folder on my workstation. I just can’t leave it behind. What to do?
Solution: The iPod !!
Catch: All my songs have to go. Songs that I took over 3 months to select and put on my iPod. Damn you. Is there any justice in this world? Damn you twice. And she had the nerve to ask me to call her back. Dream on baby. Dream on.
40 Minutes later
Machine 59, machine 59, where art thou? Machine 59. Ah! There it is. In the corner. Not a bad place. Wait a second. What do we have here? A girl. Sitting on machine 59. Heh heh. This might turn out to be a good experience after all. I’ll take number 60 and we’ll be happy ever after.
From this point of time, every thing is happening in a weird matrix style, bullet-time, slow motion kind of speed. I am walking towards machine 60. From the corner of my eye, I can see another guy (much older than me, and a lot less handsome, thank you very much) walking towards the general direction of machines 59,60 and 61. My male killer survival instinct kicks in (yes, we do have it. It’s called Libido). My feet start moving faster. Of course this distance of just a couple of feet is taking a lot of time to cover (slow motion, remember). My brain is already analyzing the relative speeds of ‘another guy’ and me and I am pretty sure I am going to beat him to machine 60. Heh Heh. Sucker.
I’d like to take a moment now to tell you about this bag I have. This small black executive bag that you hang on your side, you know, to go with the corporate look. I generally carry my Airtel bills for the last 7 months in it. Plus some stationary that I keep taking from the stationary store every now and then. You know, pencils, markers, pens, erasers, post-its etcetera, etcetera. Things that are absolutely essential for any software engineer to work efficiently. So this bag is very handy indeed.
Now I have been carrying this bag for almost 8 months. Never before has it given my any trouble. Trouble like getting caught in a sharp corner of a desk for instance. But at that very instant - just when I was but few steps away from machine 60, my Utopia, just when I could just start imagining the look on ‘another guy’s’ face when I’d take up machine 60, just when I’d started thinking about Movies and dinners and coffee again - my bag decided to get caught in a sharp corner of a desk. Stupid… stupid bag.
Of course you can imagine the rest of the story very well from this point of time. I lost my balance. My shoulder made a weird clicking noise (which hurt a lot, but what’s pain compared to the loss of machine 60). People nearby turned to look at me. I apologized profusely. And meanwhile, lost machine 60. Forever.
I picked up my bag. Walked over to machine 61. ‘Another guy’ and the girl had already stuck up a conversation. Lucky SOB. I booted machine 61, tried to log in, and got a big stupid windows error message. Tried to determine the cause of the problem (engineering instincts. Yes, we have that too) and lo’ behold. What do I find out? The network cable is missing. You’ve got to be kidding me. This day just keeps getting better and better.
This left me no option but to call the Resource Manager. Overpowering all my male ego (yes, we definitely have that), I called her up. No response. At this point of time, all I was wishing for was a desert eagle so that I could blow my brains out. But since that wasn’t about to happen, I thought I’d go and get a cup of coffee. Of course, since my access card for this floor is not working, I had to take the back door and walk about thrice the distance I normally would have walked to get the vending machine, which incidentally was out of coffee. But of course. What else did I expect? Drank a glass of lukewarm water and came back.
Tried calling the Resource manager again and this time got through. Was instructed to call up the admin guys. Ah. The dreaded admin guys. I could feel the knot tightening in my stomach. Called them up. No response. Called again after a while. The person responsible for replacing missing network cables was in a meeting. They actually have a person for that!! Jeez. Anyways, it was about 5:15 by this time and my patience was running out. So decided to call it a day.
Friday, May 26, 2006
grammer
today is going to be a good day.
yes. it feels like today is going to be a good day.
i kept repeating this to myself as i left my flat. maybe one last try to convince my mind. one last try to be positive before the day finally begins. sat on my bike. started moving. looked at the road.
nope.
and i live on....
".... my life is brilliant,
yes. it feels like today is going to be a good day.
i kept repeating this to myself as i left my flat. maybe one last try to convince my mind. one last try to be positive before the day finally begins. sat on my bike. started moving. looked at the road.
nope.
i don't think today is going to be a good day after all. i don't know if its going to be a bad day either. does it make a difference anyways?
why do we have to measure each day by its goodness? why can't a day just be a day? why can't we leave it alone to do the things that a day is supposed to do to you. why do we keep a mental diary where we make a tick mark against every "Good" day and at the end of a particular amount of time, if we have more ticks than blanks, we come to the conclusion that our life is good and that we are happy.
consider for a moment that our life is not supposed to be good or bad. we were just a bunch of atoms floating around till we were born. i was born into a conventional middle-class family. i could as easily have been born the son of the sultan of brunei. or the son of a homeless beggar. the point here is that there is no universal frame of reference to compare lives. no one chose to be born in a particular place. there is no universal observer who is observing the quality of our lives. it would have been a different thing if we had an idea of our previous lives - assuming the concept of "previous lives" exists.
but assuming that it exists, we would have had a frame of reference to measure the quality of our lives. with respect to our other lives that is.
so, wouldn't it be so much simpler if we just let go of the concept that our lives have to be either good or bad. that our days have to be happy or sad.
it seems to me that there are people who's life is punctuated by occasional "sad" days. your stereotypical "Happy" people (happy by whose standards i wonder??). and there are people whose life is punctuated by occasional "Happy" days. the stereotypical "Sad" people. and then there are people like me whose life failed in high school grammer. no punctuation marks. one endless sentence. one word after another. an occasional extra spacing between words here and there. An occasional use of proper Casing now and then. an endless stream of thoughts.
and i live on....
".... my life is brilliant,
my love is pure....."
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