About first conversations

Question: How do you begin conversation with a colleague sitting in the cubicle next to you.

Parameters:
1. The colleague is not in the same project as you.
2. The colleague shares your extension number.
3. The colleague doesn't seem to be the talkative, friendly, <<"Hi i brought sweets from home, eat them">> kind.
4. The colleague looks to be the kind who'll be able to have an intelligent conversation, and not the <<"..then he did this, and then she said that, he he he he...">> kind of conversation.
5. The colleague looks to be roughly in the same age group (20-25) as me.
6. The colleague happens to be a girl.

There you go. The problem has been defined. Ordinarily, I would leave such a colleague alone, but parameter #6 somehow changes the whole equation. My "Inner Killer Male Survival Instinct" (mentioned in earlier posts as well, to be henceforth refered to as IKMSI) has kicked in, and no matter how much i try, it refuses to leave me alone. Therefore, something must be done.
Now, when it comes to girls, i am NOT very good at opening lines. Generally when being introduced to a girl (which is an event which takes place every time all the planets line up in a straight line. (It does happen, okay!!)), all i manage to come up with is a forced smile and a few words like.... well, "Hi". And this too when i am introduced by someone else. I generally hope that the person who is introducing me likes me enough to say some nice things about me. Now it's not that i am shy or something. And i think i can be really funny too. In fact, i fancy myself to be quite a decent conversationalist. But somehow, when it comes to talking to strange girls (wait, that didn't sound right), i am completely clueless.

So let's see. What are a few opening lines.

1. Me: The weather is really fine today.
The Girl: We are sitting in an air-conditioned room you dickhead.
2. Me: Hi. I would like to do friendship with you.
The Girl: F***k off!
3. Me: My monitor is bigger than yours !!
The Girl: (no response)
4. Me: Hi. Myself Champak (real name changed).
The Girl: (questioning look)So??
5. Me: So which project are you in?
The Girl: Might actually respond.

So as you can see, i really am NOT good in this. And honestly, i can't understand how the whole "I want to do friendship with you" routine works. I have seen so many of those in Orkut. I just don't get it. Hell, if a weird looking girl (I put myself in the same category - Weird Looking ) came up to me said "Hi. Myself Pushpa. I would like to do friendship with you", i would just say "Talk to the hand!!! Girl!!". Of course if the girl happened to be Hot, my response would be very different (something like "aka haka daka laka aka daka baka" ). But then, the rules for hot people are different. And who am i to mess with them.

Back to the original question of this post. Its really weird actually. I am not really attracted to this girl or anything. It's more of an irritation actually. My inability to talk to her, that's driving me nuts.

Things used to be a lot simpler in school. Sitting in the same classroom sort of brings together people in an easy kind of way. You join a new school, sit in a class of 50 students for 1 month by the end of which everyone hopefully knows your name. Then you slowly start hanging around a group of people and the next thing you know, you've had had a conversation with almost every girl in the class. And you won't even remember how it began. It was that simple.

Things in college were slightly more complicated but breaking the ice still wasn't that difficult. You just go to a girl and ask if she has written the latest journal assignment ( which she inevitably would have) and even though you have no intention of actually writing the journal, its still as good an excuse as they come.

But here at work, things are really different. The strangers are actually strangers. That coupled with my inability and lack of interest to befriend all my colleagues, makes this a very daunting task. For some reason i have this incredible urge to be witty when meeting or talking to someone new. Even though they don't matter much to me, i have a feeling that first impressions do matter to a lot of people. So i guess this additional pressure makes things that much more difficult.

I wish i could put up sign on my desk saying - "I suffer from a severe speech disorder which i got when i got hit on the head by a speeding truck as a child while trying to save a puppy crossing a street. This disorder makes my shy from talking to strangers. Please initiate all conversations your self".

hmmm... I am sure i'll get a lot of sympathy votes from women.

The colleague just walked in. It's amazing how little time you take to press Windows Key + D after an year of Software Engineering.