Quality Objectives

This morning, when I came to office, I found the following memo on my desk.

Quality Policy
We are commited to meet customer's needs and expectations by delivering competitive IT and Business Process Outsourcing services and solutions.

Objectives
1. Deliver IT and BPO services and solutions that meet customer requirements.
2. Acquire and build long lasting relationships.
3. Improve our competitiveness by enhancing employee skills, process performance and technology utilization.


Let me pause a moment here to say - Hmmmmm…..

The management sure does know how to make their employees laugh out loud first thing in the morning.

I wonder how many MBAs it took to come up with this. I can imagine the meeting between the top brass and the newly recruited Over-enthusiastic MBA grad going something like this.

Top Brass #1: All right people. We need to show that we are doing some work. So I say, let's create a list of our quality objectives. We'll put the most obvious things in it and put it up on the wall where everyone can see it. Fills up the space on the walls in the lobby nicely. Those damn paintings are too frickin expensive.

Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I know what else we can do. We can take print outs of the objectives and put one on each employee's desk. Those stupid developers sure like sticking up things in their cubicles.

Top Brass #2: Hmmmm. That's a Great Idea. Let's do it. So what do we put in this objectives list?

Top Brass #1: Let's see. One objective could be - "Deliver IT and BPO services".

Top Brass #2: But what's so special about that? All IT companies do that.

Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I know. We deliver IT and BPO services….(a small pause here)... That Meet Customer Requirements !!

Top Brass #1: Woh dude! You are on Fire today!! That's brilliant. Sums up neatly what we do.

Top Brass #2: I just thought of another objective. I read this somewhere. "Build Long Lasting Relationships".

Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. I just proposed to my girlfriend yesterday.

Top Brass #1: (smiling with paternal affection) You truly belong in this company.

Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. And lets also put these quality objectives as everyone's desktop and screensaver.

Top Brass #2: But we already do that.

Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (crestfallen, yet with undying enthusiasm) Oh. Then let's go one step ahead. Let's put floor-to-ceiling carpets printed with these objectives, let's print t-shirts with these objectives and make it mandatory for employees to buy them, let's play a tape on the PA system endlessly repeating these objectives, let's….. Aaaagghhh!!! Objectives! Objectives! Objectives!

Top Brass #1: (smiling at Top Brass #2) Boy, this kid is GOOD.

Top Brass #2: (smiling at Top Brass #1) Yup. He sure is. Worth every rupee of the 10 Lakh we pay him annually. I am glad we were able to hire him. I wonder how he managed to stay un-placed till so late in the final semester.

Top Brass #1: He must have been too busy studying to bother about placements. His girlfriend sure is a lucky girl.

Over-enthusiastic MBA Grad: (raising hand) Ooh ooh. And while we are at it, let's apply for CMMMMIIII level 100 too. It will sure look good on my resume.




Lucky indeed….